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ad-miral
Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1488
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 Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 11:56 pm Post subject: Why do boys like appearance and girls like character? |
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I remember such a topic where Bob wrote a fantastic explanation based on evolution.
However I can't find this post any more and maybe you can tell me where it is.
My explanation towards it is:
Men are physically stronger and they search for more adventure. We can see more men working at Engineering or technical branch than women, more women working at human resource management or language branch than men. Men are supposed to be better at scientific affairs and women are supposed to be better at social affairs, due to the fact that boys are generally interested in games like LEGO or cars in the childhood and girls are generally interested in Barbie dolls and playing family games in the childhood.
So men are more interested in the real facts/qualities (like numbers/PS number of the car) and women are more interested in the hidden characteristics of people.
So women set more store on relationship/love than men, men set more store looking at which girl is more beautiful.
For men the beauty can be seen on the face, so they generally tend to love fast and change love fast. They define �good wife� by the quality �beauty� in the first place.
For women, as the beauty for them lies in the relationship between her and her partner, they generally tend to stay at the one they love most. They define �good husband� by the quality �love them most� in the first place.
Haha I hope it doesn't reduce my salary I'm writing this in the company.
_________________
If I say "I love you" to someone, then I also have to say "I also love everyone else inside you, I love the whole world because of you, I also love myself inside you." -- Erich Fromm, the Art of Love |
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RedRose
Joined: 21 May 2004
Posts: 2735
Location: GuangZhou, China
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| Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 12:16 am Post subject: Re: Why do boys like appearance and girls like character? |
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| ad-miral wrote: |
| For men the beauty can be seen on the face, so they generally tend to love fast and change love fast. They define �good wife� by the quality �beauty� in the first place. |
a realistic guy would define "good wife" by the size of boobs or butt. |
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borerborer
Joined: 21 Oct 2006
Posts: 36
Location: China
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| Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 2:41 am Post subject: |
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| I do not know why girls like character, maybe because their family tradition, I guess. But as a girl being 22 years old, I must admit I like handsome guys. |
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RedRose
Joined: 21 May 2004
Posts: 2735
Location: GuangZhou, China
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| Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:02 am Post subject: |
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| borerborer wrote: |
| I do not know why girls like character, maybe because their family tradition, I guess. But as a girl being 22 years old, I must admit I like handsome guys. |
me too. I like attractive guys  |
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Bob S.
Joined: 29 Apr 2004
Posts: 1767
Location: So. Cal
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| Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 12:53 pm Post subject: Re: Why do boys like appearance and girls like character? |
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| ad-miral wrote: |
I remember such a topic where Bob wrote a fantastic explanation based on evolution.
However I can't find this post any more and maybe you can tell me where it is. |
Thanks for the compliment. Do you mean this? It's more about why men like but do not love slutty girls.
As for the "boys are different from girls" thing, that also can be traced to our primitive ancestors. In our species, the males became the designated hunters (among African lions, the females are the hunters), and hunters need to have excellent spatial relations ability to track animals, set traps, and throw spears. Any hunter that didn't have that skill would bring less meat back to his clan, and eventually his clan and genes would die out. And spatial relations skills are a big part of applied sciences. That is NOT to say females cannot do the hard applied sciences. Obviously many do. But on average, that capability is more common in males (and when you're talking evolution, you are talking averages for traits that enhance the survival of the species as a whole).
When wondering about why things are the way they are, you have to ask why it was a benefit to our ancestors 100,000 years ago. |
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ad-miral
Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1488
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| Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah this:
| Bob wrote: |
It's not so much nonsensical as it is a barely balanced consequence of competing evolutionary forces.
A female can only produce a limited number of eggs, and therefore offspring, in her life, whereas males produce near limitless sperm. As such, the female must simultaneously attract males' attention with visual displays of beauty but at the same time appear uninterested in copulating to discourage too aggressive male sexual behavior. Hense the "come here go away come here go away" game. That gives the female time to discern which potential suitor would make the best father for her limited number of offspring.
A male's limited resource is his time and effort. If a female appears sexually aggressive, the male will happily view her as an opportunity to spread his sperm. But if he does not trust that she is limiting and selective in her mating choices, he cannot be certain that her offspring are also his offspring, and therefore he will not be so willing to invest his limited resources into helping to care for her offspring. Investing effort in another male's offspring would limit his own chances to pass his genetic material on to the next generation, an obvious evolutionary disadvantage in primitive days.
The rules of society are still functioning more or less within the parameters established by evolution ever since our ancestors stood upright millions of years ago. It is an evolutionary advantage to the female and hense her offspring for her to behave in an attractive yet chaste and trustworthy manner to elicit the male's trust (based on his evolutionary predisposition) and therefore support in the raising of her children. |
Maybe you should write a book about it I'm sure many would be interested in it.
Do you know how boys should reply the come here go away come here go away game?
_________________
If I say "I love you" to someone, then I also have to say "I also love everyone else inside you, I love the whole world because of you, I also love myself inside you." -- Erich Fromm, the Art of Love |
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garfield_jesse
Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 271
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| Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 11:15 pm Post subject: |
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I like to see handsome guys... just look . I love my boyfriend because of his character. And he is the most handsome man with me  .
" Ugliness and beauty are not consistent qualities: even among people not everyone agrees what constitutes beauty and what doesnt. Both ugliness and beauty are in eyes of the beholder " 
_________________
I'm smart, that's why i'm single...haha(^_^) |
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Anuradha Chepur
Joined: 20 May 2006
Posts: 933
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| Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 4:21 am Post subject: |
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Bob,
I know people who don't want kids (don't want responsibility). Some celebrities don't want biological kids, and adopt them instead. What happens to intincts (to propagate genes) in these cases? |
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ad-miral
Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1488
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| Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 4:33 am Post subject: |
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| jesse wrote: |
I like to see handsome guys... just look . I love my boyfriend because of his character. And he is the most handsome man with me .
" Ugliness and beauty are not consistent qualities: even among people not everyone agrees what constitutes beauty and what doesnt. Both ugliness and beauty are in eyes of the beholder " |
Well I wonder whether one could think that she looks beautiful
| Anuradha Chepur wrote: |
| I know people who don't want kids (don't want responsibility). Some celebrities don't want biological kids, and adopt them instead. What happens to intincts (to propagate genes) in these cases? |
These people fear from the immense cost that the child will bring along. You know if people live in society they should be emancipated with wisdom and rules and they should missachten their natural instincts etc.
But still we are animal and we have natural instinct so Bob's essay to relate to genetic is a very clever way to say some general statements without having to be specific.
haha I'm a fan of him
_________________
If I say "I love you" to someone, then I also have to say "I also love everyone else inside you, I love the whole world because of you, I also love myself inside you." -- Erich Fromm, the Art of Love |
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borerborer
Joined: 21 Oct 2006
Posts: 36
Location: China
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| Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 5:28 am Post subject: |
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After thinking about this puzzling topic, some confused thoughts came out.
Basically, I think ugly guys have less chance to show their characters. Enatic society should evolve in an opppsity way!?
Maybe a wealthy and wise lady or guy will prefer appearance, beacuse ..... I don't know why, just a phenomenon.
Please ignore my out-of-ordered post.
to ad-miral
I wonder where you can find such an extreme example. |
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Bob S.
Joined: 29 Apr 2004
Posts: 1767
Location: So. Cal
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| Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 4:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Anuradha Chepur wrote: |
| I know people who don't want kids (don't want responsibility). Some celebrities don't want biological kids, and adopt them instead. What happens to intincts (to propagate genes) in these cases? |
I'd say we have a number of factors at play. First, we have reached a point in our development where our cognitive choices can override our instinctual drives. So if a person deems themselves unfit to pass their genes on to another generation, he or she can use free will and choose not to.
Secondly, in many species (termites, ants, bees, some wild dogs), there are designated breeders. Only select females are permitted to produce young. The other females become helpers. Since they share genes with the matriarch, by assisting their siblings or cousins, they can still help ensure that some of their own genes get passed to the next generation without the effort of procreating themselves. In human societies, a person may chose not to procreate because they already view their environment as over-crowded. By not adding to over-crowding, they chose to aid the offspring of others in their environment who probably share a great deal of similar genetic material.
Thirdly, as sentient beings, who we are is not just our biological selves. Part of how we identify ourselves is by our beliefs, philosophy, culture, religion. So when you adopt a child, you not only satisfy your nurturing instinct (which can function independently of a procreation instinct), you also have a chance to pass on into the future part of who you are in the form of your culture and values. |
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Anuradha Chepur
Joined: 20 May 2006
Posts: 933
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| Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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Wow!!
Great explanation! |
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beancurdturtle
Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Posts: 1041
Location: Southern California
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| Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 8:41 pm Post subject: |
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| Bob S. wrote: |
In human societies, a person may chose not to procreate because they already view their environment as over-crowded. By not adding to over-crowding, they chose to aid the offspring of others in their environment who probably share a great deal of similar genetic material.
Thirdly, as sentient beings, who we are is not just our biological selves. Part of how we identify ourselves is by our beliefs, philosophy, culture, religion. So when you adopt a child, you not only satisfy your nurturing instinct (which can function independently of a procreation instinct), you also have a chance to pass on into the future part of who you are in the form of your culture and values. |
Bingo!
Bob S, you've got some pretty well thought out conclusions.
My son is adopted, even though I could have produced a child biologically. I simply believe there are so many children without good parents that I didn't need to contribute my biological matter to the mix. I could be a parent to a child that wasn't lucky enough to have one.
I wouldn't say my way is the best way to go for everyone - especially women. I think most women have a archetypal biological energy that makes it difficult for them to feel fulfilled unless they bear a child.
But I have a great deal of appreciation for people that are willing to be a parent to a child, any child that needs a parent, and don't concern themselves whether or not the child is their biological offspring.
_________________
Daniel
�Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.�
--Dr. Seuss |
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ad-miral
Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1488
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| Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 11:38 pm Post subject: |
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For me "a man not wanting a child" only means that the man doesn't want to lose so much money for feeding the child and sacrifice so much time and money in the child.
If we think a girl looks very beautiful and she has a right character, sometimes we also want her to keep this beauty. And getting babies makes her fat and ugly.
And sometimes a girl also doesn't want to get child just because she will become ugly etc.
_________________
If I say "I love you" to someone, then I also have to say "I also love everyone else inside you, I love the whole world because of you, I also love myself inside you." -- Erich Fromm, the Art of Love |
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beancurdturtle
Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Posts: 1041
Location: Southern California
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| Posted: Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:33 am Post subject: |
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| ad-miral wrote: |
| For me "a man not wanting a child" only means that the man doesn't want to lose so much money for feeding the child and sacrifice so much time and money in the child. |
Are you saying this about men who choose to be a parent by adopting a child, or about men that never become a parent in any way?
_________________
Daniel
�Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.�
--Dr. Seuss |
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