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Doremifa
Joined: 24 Oct 2006
Posts: 17
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 Posted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 10:37 am Post subject: Can you correct my letters, please? |
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Can you correct my two letters below, please?
TEST 6
Letter A
Dear Selina,
Excuse me for yesterday but I had a problem with my car. It didn’t want to start. Then I went to Cinema with my bicycle, Unfortunately when I was in front of the Cinema I was delayed. If you want we can meet tomorrow at the market.
See you soon
Doeremifa
Letter B
Dear Annabel,
Thanks for your letter. How are you? I’m fine but now I am very busy with my studies. Last week I went to the birthday party of Marco. He is my best friend. I went to party with my brother and I presented to Marco a beautiful game for his computer. At the party my friends and me danced all the afternoon. In the evening we went to the Cinema. After the film we go back home of Marco to play with your computer. Although I am 24 I find the games still very funny. The party was very good and we enjoyed. Unfortunately I went back home late.
Best regards
Doremifa
Thanks for your help!
See you soon
Doremifa |
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Doremifa
Joined: 24 Oct 2006
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 7:22 am Post subject: |
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Why didn't you correct them?  |
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bud
Joined: 09 Mar 2003
Posts: 2111
Location: New Jersey, US
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| Posted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 8:15 am Post subject: |
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Sorry, Doremifa!
In the first letter, I would add some punctuation and a couple of blank lines, but make only two changes to the content. One is to correct the spelling of your name! 
Dear Selina,
Excuse me for yesterday, but I had a problem with my car. It didn�t want to start. Then I went to Cinema on my bicycle. Unfortunately, when I was in front of the Cinema I was delayed. If you want, we can meet tomorrow at the market.
See you soon,
Doremifa
-----------------------
The second letter has more errors, but even so, it is quite good. It's very natural. Also, I'll add some punctuation.
Dear Annabel,
Thanks for your letter. How are you? I�m fine, but now I am very busy with my studies. Last week I went to the birthday party for Marco. He is my best friend. I went to party with my brother and I gave Marco a beautiful game for his computer. At the party, my friends and I danced all afternoon. In the evening, we went to the cinema. After the film we went back to Marco's to play with his computer. Although I am 24, I find the games still a lot of fun. The party was very good and we enjoyed it. Unfortunately I went back home late.
Best regards,
Doremifa
Note 1: "I presented to Marco a..." is not a mistake. It is grammatical, but it is also unusual. I changed it to fit in with the tone of the rest of the letter.
"Note 2: "all the afternoon" also is correct, but "all afternoon" is much more likely.
Note 3: "Cinema" should not be capitalized unless it is the name of the movie theater.
Note 4: "Funny" means "comical," "amusing" or "strange." "Fun" is something that is enjoyable.
Again, nice job, Doremifa! |
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Doremifa
Joined: 24 Oct 2006
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 11:11 am Post subject: |
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Thank you very much!!!
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bud
Joined: 09 Mar 2003
Posts: 2111
Location: New Jersey, US
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| Posted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:37 am Post subject: |
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You're welcome!
BTW, thanks to Missdaredevil I see that I missed something:
"With" is not the best preposition for "to play with his computer." I think "on" is best: "to play on his computer." |
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asterix
Joined: 26 Jan 2003
Posts: 1654
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| Posted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:29 pm Post subject: |
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Doremifa - I should point out that there is no necessity for anybody to answer you at all.
This is a free service done on a voluntary basis. It is generally considered rude on the internet to use the biggest letters you can find to demand a response.  |
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Doremifa
Joined: 24 Oct 2006
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:49 am Post subject: |
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"Note 3: "Cinema" should not be capitalized unless it is the name of the movie theater."
I don't understand it? Could you rewrite it in another form, please?
Thank you very much
"cinema
m.
1 (locale) cinema; movie theater (USA): cinema a luci rosse, porn cinema; cinema di prima [seconda] visione, first run [second run] cinema
..." from the Zanichelli 2003.
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bud
Joined: 09 Mar 2003
Posts: 2111
Location: New Jersey, US
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| Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:31 am Post subject: |
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What is the name of the movie theater? In the U.S., a theater might be called the Englewood Cinema, the Route 4 Multiplex or the Piermont Tenplex.
If I wanted to say that I saw a movie, I would say something like:
I went to the movies last night.
I went to the cinema last night. (It's unusual to say it this way in the U.S.)
I went to see a movie last night.
etc.
If I wanted to say that I saw a movie and also convey where I saw it, I would say:
I went to the Tenplex last night. (I'd probably leave out "Piermont" unless there was another tenplex in the area.)
I saw a movie at the Englewood Cinema last night. (I'd probably include "Englewood" so that "Cinema" is not confused with any cinema.)
etc.
Is that any clearer? |
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Doremifa
Joined: 24 Oct 2006
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 3:20 am Post subject: |
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Yes thank you very much!
Hello |
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Doremifa
Joined: 24 Oct 2006
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 10:25 am Post subject: |
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I did another test. When I did it I missed the time and I wrote only this two letters. Perhaps they are not very well because I wrote them in ten twenty minutes. Could you correct them again, please? (After "correct" is "them" right?)
(1)
Dear Jimmy
Thank you for your T-schirt. I like it very much. Where do you buy it? I think that I use it at my party the next weekend. Do you want to came at my party?
See you soon
Doremifa
(2)
Dear Paolo,
Thank you very much for your letter. How are you? I am fine but now I am very busy with my studies. I don't go shopping very often because it is very expensive for me. When I go shopping I like buy new parts for my computer. For example I bought an hard disk of 300GB last Friday. I live in Vicoforte and in this place there is not many shop so when I must buy something I go to Mondov� that is near my place. Mondov� is about ten kilometres from Vicoforte and it hat a lot of the shop. In Vicoforte there are only something shop where to buy food or dress. So I want to buy something of different I go to Mondov�.
See you soon
Doremifa |
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bud
Joined: 09 Mar 2003
Posts: 2111
Location: New Jersey, US
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| Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 4:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Doremifa wrote: |
I did another test. When I did it I missed the time and I wrote only this two letters. Perhaps they are not very well because I wrote them in ten twenty minutes. Could you correct them again, please? (After "correct" is "them" right?)
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Yes, "them" is correct. Technically, "again" is wrong because these two letters have not been corrected before. In casual speech, though, a construction like that is common. It's meant as (and heard as) "can you help me again?"
| Doremifa wrote: |
Dear Jimmy
Thank you for your T-schirt. I like it very much. Where do you buy it? I think that I use it at my party the next weekend. Do you want to came at my party?
See you soon
Doremifa
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1. "The" is better than "your" unless it really was his and then he gave it to you. But the next line tells us that it wasn't his; he bought it for you... You have a typo, and you don't need to capitalize the "T" in t-shirt.
2. It was bought in the past: "did," not "do."
3. You need the future tense. "Use" is marginally OK, but "wear is better. "I think that I will wear it..."
4. "Come," not "came." (A typo, i think.) Also, "to" is a better choice of preposition. It helps indicate the fact that Jimmy will have to travel from where he is to where you are.
5. I see that your formatting is improved this time. Good! Don't forget to put a comma after your salutation (Dear Jimmy) and after your closing (See you soon). Unless you plan to print this out and sign it, you don't need a blank line between the salutation and your name. If you were going to sign it, you'd leave 3 blank lines to leave room for your signature above your printed name.
Dear Jimmy,
Thank you for the t-shirt. I like it very much. Where did you buy it? I think that I will wear it at my party the next weekend. Do you want to come to my party?
See you soon,
Doremifa
| Doremifa wrote: |
Dear Paolo,
Thank you very much for your letter. How are you? I am fine but now I am very busy with my studies. I don't go shopping very often because it is very expensive for me. When I go shopping I like buy new parts for my computer. For example I bought an hard disk of 300GB last Friday. I live in Vicoforte and in this place there is not many shop so when I must buy something I go to Mondov� that is near my place. Mondov� is about ten kilometres from Vicoforte and it hat a lot of the shop. In Vicoforte there are only something shop where to buy food or dress. So I want to buy something of different I go to Mondov�.
See you soon
Doremifa
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1. When you write "but," ask yourself if you need a comma. This construction is the most common ("but" starts a new clause), and you need to follow the preceding word with a comma.
2. "For me" - if you want to say that it isn't expensive for others, but it is for you, then "for me" is necessary. Otherwise it is redundant, uneeded. Even so, it is correct but not the best of style.
3. "When I go shopping," - need a comma
4. "I like buy" - "I like to buy" - you need the infinitive.
5. "For example" is followed by a comma.
6. "an hard disk of 300GB" - "a hard disk" because "hard" has a spoken "h." The rest is fine, but more common is "a 300GB hard disk."
7. "is not many shop" - Use plural here: "are not many shops." I'd also end the sentence here, because otherwise it is too complicated.
8. I'd use "which" instead of "that."
9. "hat a lot of the shop" - also, plural here: "has a lot of shops."
10. "something shop where to buy food or dress." - "some shops to buy food or dresses."
11. "So I want to buy something of different" - You need an "if" and you can't use "of" there: "So if I want to buy something different, I go..."
Whew! It looks like a lot, Doremifa, but none of them are earth-shattering. It's very clear what you are trying to say, and you wrote this in very little time. Good work!
Dear Paolo,
Thank you very much for your letter. How are you? I am fine, but now I am very busy with my studies. I don't go shopping very often because it is very expensive for me. When I go shopping, I like to buy new parts for my computer. For example, I bought a hard disk of 300GB last Friday. I live in Vicoforte, and in this place there are not many shops. So when I must buy something, I go to Mondov�, which is near my place. Mondov� is about ten kilometres from Vicoforte and it has a lot of shops. In Vicoforte, there are only some shops to buy food or dresses. So if I want to buy something different, I go to Mondov�.
See you soon,
Doremifa
Also, I added a few other commas. Anything you don't understand, please ask.
(Also, you could have started a new thread with this since it's a brand new request, not a follow-up to the rest of the thread. It's no big deal, it's just that it's easier for others to see that you still need help with it while it remains unanswered.) |
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