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Joseph@Shiga
Joined: 17 Oct 2006
Posts: 49
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 Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 11:24 pm Post subject: Please check my sentence |
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Hi native teachers,
Thanks for your help.
Please check my sentence below and point out wrong expressions:
In the descriptions below, explanation will be made mainly on a case where a conversion element (a photoelectric conversion element) that converts light into an electric signal is utilized.
Thanks a lot in advance.
Joseph@Shiga. |
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ESL-ish
Joined: 07 Nov 2006
Posts: 44
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 9:03 am Post subject: AHH, physics! |
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Ok, Joseph, I'll take a crack at this! 
| Quote: |
| In the descriptions below, explanation will be made mainly on a case where a conversion element (a photoelectric conversion element) that converts light into an electric signal is utilized. |
My first suggestion is that you use an adjective phrase to modify a photoelectric conversion element instead of making the more general noun conversion element the main focus.
| Quote: |
| conversion element (a photoelectric conversion element) that converts light into an electric signal is utilized. |
changes to
| Quote: |
| a photoelectric conversion element, which converts light into an electric signal, is utilized. |
My second suggestion is to get rid of the very general verb made and replace it with a more robust one like focus which carries the meaning of make mainly but sounds much more professional.
Finally, my last suggestion is this. Even in technical writing, whenever you can make a passive sentence active, do it.
| Quote: |
| In the descriptions below, the explanation will focus on a case where a photoelectric conversion element, which converts light into an electric signal, is utilized. |
_________________
Warning: I have a dictionary and I'm not afraid to use it! |
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Joseph@Shiga
Joined: 17 Oct 2006
Posts: 49
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| Posted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 4:34 pm Post subject: Please check my sentence |
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ESL-ish-san
Thank you so much for your cklear-cut suggestion.
Joseph@Shiga |
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