Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[freshair313]

This is my composition for exercise. Please help me with the rationality and correctness of its expression and grammar. Your kind and hearty instruction will be appreciated very much.

Why College Students Take Part-time Jobs

Nowadays, there is a widespread concern over a discussion about why college students take part-time jobs. College students are seen waiting on tables, clerking in stores, advertising in streets and teaching as tutor in inferior students� homes.

There are many causes leading to this problem, but in general, they come down to three major ones. For one thing, I think, it is regarding to money. It�s common knowledge that China is the biggest developing country in the world. Many young adults who came from poverty-stricken rural areas, can hardly afford their study if they do nothing during the period of college. So they have no choice but to take part-time jobs to earn their keep. For another, the reason is also about money, but the purpose for which these students do these is not just for making a living. They have fairly enough money given by their parents for their study. But besides study, they want to do more at the time of college. For example, some of them maybe want to go traveling once in a while, and another may like to make friends with others, which spend them so much money. However, they decided to earn this money on their own rather than ask their parents more. But the prime cause of all is perhaps that more and more college students have realized that social activities have played increasingly important role in their job seeking after they graduate and even in their whole life. Therefore, most of them intended to carry on varying part-time jobs to enrich their experiences.

As a result, it has been a popular phenomenon among the college students. On the whole, it is a good thing for them to improve their practical ability for their job hunting as well as their future development. But it comes to me that the first and foremost thing they should do is to realize their duty as students and study hard, and their part-time jobs should not have bad effect on their regular subjects. Otherwise, it will do more harm than good to them in the long run, and they will be sorry for what they have done in the end.

[ESL-ish]

Hi freshair!

Good work on your essay! You've put some good examples in it that really help your reader understand your argument.

So your essay has roots (structure).
Your essay has branches (examples).

Let's think about "pruning" your essay. What I am referring to is your word choice and sentence structure. Now you need to think like a gardener, who must cut away some twigs or branches and strengthen others in order to have a beautiful, healthy tree.

For example, let's look at your first sentence.

[freshair313]

Thanks for helping me. I will bear in mind what your have instructed:
1. sentence balance
2. the most imortant noun
3. the strongest verb
4. adj and adv not familar

And concerning the third sentence, I want to replace it. It would be:

[ESL-ish]

much better!
_________________
Warning: I have a dictionary and I'm not afraid to use it!