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Please rate my essay

 
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bluebary



Joined: 04 Sep 2006
Posts: 26
Location: Turkiye

PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 7:40 am    Post subject: Please rate my essay Reply with quote

Playing game teachs us about life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Do you aggree or disagree with the following statement?

I do absolutely disagree with that point that playig game teachs us about life. Almost everyone, from childhood to adult, loves games. However the everything loved can not be useful or beneficial about life.

Firstly, there are numberless kinds of game in the world. And, they have been produced by some producers to earn money. They aren't produced to teach people about life. The beneficials of certain games can be debated but totally they aren't educational for children or adults. Moreover, most of them includes some violences which can effect people life in a bad way. For example , children see and learn how to do violence in the games. And,they try those on their friends, family and themselves.it is learning only violence.

Playing game has few advantages, however they are only few. There aren't lots of educational games, so people can't learn from games about life. In addition, playing game get away us from real life. Before, people could talk about their problems with friends or families but now. Games are harmful because children don't go out to do any activities such as playing football, basketball, etc. They also effect the health of people, as people stay in front of a computer or atary for hours without movement.

I am playing game too on the internet. I am playing it (ogame) with my some friends. We has establihed an allience in the game and attack or defance that is,we fight with other alliences. Furthermore, we make a plan about next war or crash with the member of our alliance. This continues from in the evening to morning. Yes we learn one thing about life, strong people or player wins weak one. That is the same the war of ıraq. Because of that game, my some friends failed the some exams of their university.

In conclusion, people shouldn't play game as far as possible. Because it isn't real life. They don't teach us about life moreover, they are injerious for our life.
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Anuradha Chepur



Joined: 20 May 2006
Posts: 933

PostPosted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 12:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good essay and nice ideas! Very Happy
A few modifications:

I do absolutely disagree that playing games teach us about life. Almost everyone, from children to adults, love games. However, it's not necessary that all games are useful or beneficial for life.

Firstly, there are a number of games in the world. They have been produced to earn money. They aren't produced to teach people about life. The benefits of certain games can be debated but totally they aren't educational for children or adults. Moreover, most of them include some violence which can badly effect people' lives. For example , children see and learn violence in the games. They try those on their friends, family and themselves.They are only learning violence.

Playing games has advantages, but they are very few. There aren't lots of educational games, so people can't learn from games about life. In addition, playing games takes us away from real life. Earlier, people used to talk about their problems with friends or families, but not now. Games are harmful because children don't go out to do any activities such as playing football, basketball, etc. They also effect the health of people, as people sit in front of a computer for hours without moving.

I too play games on the internet. I am playing it (ogame) with some friends. We have formed an alliance and attack or defend, that is, we fight with other alliances. Furthermore, we make a plan about the next war or crash with the member of our alliance. This continues from the evening to morning. Yes, we learn one thing about life, strong people or player win against the weak ones. That is the same as the Iraq war. Because of that game, some of my friends failed in some exams at their university.

In conclusion, people should avoid playing games as much as possible. Because it isn't real life. They don't teach us about life. On the contrary, they are injurious to our life.
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alper



Joined: 22 Mar 2006
Posts: 96
Location: istanbul - T�rkiye

PostPosted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 3:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Anuradha Chepur wrote:
Good essay and nice ideas! Very Happy
A few modifications:

I do absolutely disagree that playing games teach us about life. Almost everyone, from children to adults, love games. However, it's not necessary that all games are useful or beneficial for life.

Firstly, there are a number of games in the world. They have been produced to earn money. They aren't produced to teach people about life. The benefits of certain games can be debated but totally they aren't educational for children or adults. Moreover, most of them include some violence which can badly effect people' lives. For example , children see and learn violence in the games. They try those on their friends, family and themselves.They are only learning violence.

Playing games has advantages, but they are very few. There aren't lots of educational games, so people can't learn from games about life. In addition, playing games takes us away from real life. Earlier, people used to talk about their problems with friends or families, but not now. Games are harmful because children don't go out to do any activities such as playing football, basketball, etc. They also effect the health of people, as people sit in front of a computer for hours without moving.

I too play games on the internet. I am playing it (ogame) with some friends. We have formed an alliance and attack or defend, that is, we fight with other alliances. Furthermore, we make a plan about the next war or crash with the member of our alliance. This continues from the evening to morning. Yes, we learn one thing about life, strong people or player win against the weak ones. That is the same as the Iraq war. Because of that game, some of my friends failed in some exams at their university.

In conclusion, people should avoid playing games as much as possible. Because it isn't real life. They don't teach us about life. On the contrary, they are injurious to our life.


hi,

bluebary your ideas are great. at the same time Anuradha is really a good editor.

I must add that, the starting sentence of third paragraph "I too play games on the internet" can be changed as " I play games on the internet, too."

bye bye
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bluebary



Joined: 04 Sep 2006
Posts: 26
Location: Turkiye

PostPosted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 3:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi,teachers

Thaks alot for corrections.I agree with alper that Anuradha is good editor.

Alper,you are right about sentence you have corrected. I wanted to mean

that I play game on the internet, too.

Alper,are you student or ?

thaks again friends...
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alper



Joined: 22 Mar 2006
Posts: 96
Location: istanbul - T�rkiye

PostPosted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 3:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

bluebary wrote:
Hi,teachers

Thaks alot for corrections.I agree with alper that Anuradha is good editor.

Alper,you are right about sentence you have corrected. I wanted to mean

that I play game on the internet, too.

Alper,are you student or ?

thaks again friends...


both of them, I have been teaching for 2 years, and at the same time I am trying to complete my education ( English Language Teaching - ELT )

nice to meet you my friend... Smile
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