|
Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums
"The Internet's Meeting Place for ESL/EFL Students and Teachers from Around the World!"
|
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Calm-mind
Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 53
|
 Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 7:41 am Post subject: Five compositions |
 |
|
Hello. I�m Japanese. I would like to be an interpreter/translator.
As a practice, I translated five Japanese sentences into English. Would you please check them? I tried to put all the original Japanese senesces say into them, so it may be wordy for you. Please feel free to correct as necessary but if mine are good enough, please say so and improve them.
Thank you very much.
#1 It was not until yesterday that I received the news.
#2 It depends on how much/hard you make efforts whether you succeed or not.
#3 Although it is good for health to get up early and take a walk, it is difficult to practice it every morning.
#4 Since it took my wife a long time to decide what to wear, we were late to leave home.
#5 It is known all over the world that you have to pass the difficult entrance exam to enter a university in Japan. |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
ESL-ish
Joined: 07 Nov 2006
Posts: 44
Location: Arizona
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 1:06 pm Post subject: |
|
|
You are making good progress toward your goal!
All of the sentences are very clear in meaning. In fact #1 is perfect! So here are some minor adjustments to make the other sentences ready for that English-speaking VIP.
| Quote: |
| #1 It was not until yesterday that I received the news. |
As I said, this is fine. It is very formal. In a casual situation, a native speaker would probably avoid using "it" as the subject and say:
"I just recieved the news yesterday." or " I hadn't recieved the news before yesterday."
| Quote: |
| #2 It depends on how much/hard you make efforts whether you succeed or not. |
Again, avoid using "it" the subject. Find the focus of the sentence.
focus = chance of success "Whether you succeed or not depends on how much effort you make."
focus = motivation for working hard "How hard you work determines whether or not you succeed."
| Quote: |
| #3 Although it is good for health to get up early and take a walk, it is difficult to practice it every morning. |
Again, we can improve this sentence by trading a subject with no importance (it) for a subject with a lot of meaning. Here I chose to change "to get up early and take a walk" to two noun phrases joined by "and". Then I took your idea of daily practice and chose the word "habit", so I could change "good for health" to "healthy.
Although getting up early and taking a walk is a healthy habit, it's difficult to practice every morning."
| Quote: |
| #4 Since it took my wife a long time to decide what to wear, we were late to leave home. |
This is great, just one change: instead of "late to leave...", use "late leaving..."
| Quote: |
| #5 It is known all over the world that you have to pass the difficult entrance exam to enter a university in Japan. |
Again, just one small change: "the difficult entrance exam" to "a difficult entrance exam". If you want to keep "the" you should name the test. For example, "You need to take the TOEFL in order to apply to many American universities." And then, because it is difficult to put adjectives in front of names ( "the wise ESL-ish..."  no it just sounds pompus, like I'm giving myself a title, or it makes me want to look around for the otherESL-ish. As if there were two, and we were telling which one...) you could write, "You need to take the TOEFL, a difficult exam, in order to apply to many American universities."
_________________
Warning: I have a dictionary and I'm not afraid to use it! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Calm-mind
Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 53
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 5:10 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Thank you very very much, ESL-ish. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
