pinknink
Joined: 09 May 2007
Posts: 1
Location: Thailand
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 Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 1:58 am Post subject: task 1 writting please help |
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I'm an ielts candidate in August.
This is my task 1 essay. Please give me a comment in case of my improvement. Thank you
Q:the graph show the rates of hospitalisation because of asthma in four categories.
The diagram demonstrates the asthma admission rates in different age groups divided in four categories. It can be clearly seen that the rates are higher than target rate in 2010 of all age groups.
In 1999, admission rate from asthma is highest in age group 0-4 years ,which is 53.6 people in 10000, follow by an elderly group, 21.2 in 10000 and group 5-64 years old is just above 10 in 10000. According to the graph, there is a fluctuation of both extremely young and very old age group between two states, Florida and Duval County. In extremely young age, there is a higher rate in Florida than Duval County which is 54.9 and 37.7 in 10000, respectively. Whereas an elderly age group, Duval County hospitalisation rate is more than Florida by 6 per 10000.
In conclusion, the asthma admission rate of both 1999 and 2000 are highest in an extremely young group, follow by an old age group, However, all of them can not meet the target in 2010.
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