Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[Beth Lang]

How do i make friendships with other people?
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Elizabeth S. Lang

[liebe]

Hmmmmm.....

Is that a philosophical, theoretical, social or practical question? It's difficult to say. It often depends upon your personal situation. Perhaps you could tell me more about you and your situation, so that I (and others) would be able to help you? Generally, it's enough to just come up and talk to someone. People almost always are drawn toward similar or like-minded people. That's the reason you should never pretend to be someone else. Just be yourself, put a smile on your face and go ahead and talk to people. There's a Hebrew saying "Meshane makom--meshane mazal". Its direct translation would be "change a place--change a luck". So, if you're lonely and unpopular where you live right now, it doesn't mean you'll be like that in other places...

[sandra_fm]

[LucentShade]

[liebe]

To Lucent Shade:

What do you mean by "flawed personality"?

I can honestly, and yes proudly, say that I don't appeal to most people. I can also tell you why. I always (OK, about always) say what I think, it doesn't matter whether they like it or not. I am not (and never was) a typical teenager (but ain't one anymore)--I've never was a typical girl who only thinks about shopping, guys, make-up and that stuff. I enjoy reading, I'm interested in languages, history and foreign cultures, I love the Opera. Many people find me to be "weird" or something of that sort, so they don't know how to approach me and prefer not to approach me at all. But you'd be surprised, there are actually some people (although not many) who DO like me... I don't see how being myself harms me in any way (:

[blackguy-n-Asia]

You know I love you liebe

Saying what you mean is actually a good trait. Most guys like it straight and blunt...(we can't understand it any other way).

My dad always told us "to have friends, you have to be friendly" This just means being yourself. If you have major character flaws...then being around people will help you iron them out ie. Shyness, rudeness, even hatred and racism (ignorance) CAN be reduced, like bad pimples.

GOOD people will help you by telling you straight that you are RUDE or THAT WAS RACIST or WHY DON'T YOU SMILE MORE or helpful things like that. In this way, you learn more about yourself and about being friendly.

Hey, who are you looking at?
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I'm an African-Canadian living in the West
Soon to Travel to Asia and Russia.

[LucentShade]

To liebe:

In my definition, a "flawed personality" would be a personality that 80% or more of the population find unattractive, annoying, or repulsive. This would include being shy, insecure, unconfident, negative, sarcastic, or cynical. Since many of those adjectives describe me, for me to "be myself" would be counter-productive to the goal of making people like me, want to be friends with me, or date me. So, that's why I believe in putting up a false front, in order to be seen as "normal" or "respectable."

[blackguy-n-Asia]

A false front?

Sooner or later, my friend, that front will collapse...and then what?

When people see a front, they consider that to be duplicity. When you live your life that way, its only a matter of time before you hate the lie, and yourself.

At a club one night I saw a guy very confident in himself, he even left the club with the girl who I was trying to date. I asked him as he was leaving with her "How did you do that?" He simply replied "Tell them what they want to hear." Is it better to be yourself, or pretend to be someone else? Guess it depends on what kind of friends you want (one night stands at clubs, or a real friend)
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I'm an African-Canadian living in the West
Soon to Travel to Asia and Russia.

[LucentShade]

[Anxious Heart]

[blackguy-n-Asia]

It depends on what a false front is.

If you hate a person, should you pretend that you love them?
If you can't stand being at chuch, should you sing with all your heart every Sunday?

It's OK to be honest, but to a point. It's OK to lie, or 'play', but to a point.
I for one would never be false for too long. I would get jaded and start hating everyone. I would be honest. If I didn't like a person, I would stay away from them...even if it where my own parents.

I say be true to yourself. If you don't like it, leave. If you don't want it, put it down and walk away. Why play? Why put yourself through hell just to get along? I've done that before and I would KILL not to ACT like I love what I hate again, please believe me.

If you have problems with your personality, it can't be bad enough for everyone to hate you! If it is, then get counselling.
_________________
I'm an African-Canadian living in the West
Soon to Travel to Asia and Russia.

[hani]

Friendship is a strange thing
we find ourselves telling each
other the deepest details of our lives
things we don't even share with our
families who raised us



But what is a friend? A confidant? A lover?
A fellow email junkie?
A shoulder to cry on? an ear to listen? a heart to feel?
A friend is all these things...and more.
No matter where we met,
I call you friend. A word so small yet so large in feeling
a word filled with emotion.



It is true great things come in small packages.
Once the package of friendship has been opened,
it can never be closed. It is a constant book always written
waiting to be read...and enjoyed.
We may have our disagreements,
we may argue, we may concern one another
friendship is a unique bond that lasts through it all



Apart of me is put into my friends
some it is my humor, some it is my listening ear,
some it is real life experiences, some it is my romanticism
but with all, it is friendship.
Friendships forged are a construct,
stronger than steel built as a foundation
necessary for life, and necessary for love.



Friends, you and me
you brought another friend
and then there were 3
we started our group
Our circle of friends
and like that circle,
there is no beginning or end.
_________________
Once upon the time
I was looking for you

I never do a crime
By living to love you

[smiling]

What Hani said are wonderful!!
Yes, maybe we don’t know what means friend, but we know exactly who are our friends while we are seeing them, hearing their voice, feeling their touch. We know that we can share happiness and sadness. We know no matter how long we haven’t seen each other, we will never feel strange.
And I believe that I should to be myself. But sometimes I will lie, such as talking with a fat women:” you looks very well”. Sometimes I will do the things I don’t like, such as the homework given by teacher.
To make friend is the same. We can’t always tell the truth, we can’t always do the things which we like, ignoring the other’s feeling. We must know tolerance, listening, comfort. Of course, like what blackguy-n-Asia said, it must but to a point. If we face the things we must insist on, we should insist on.

[jameswong]

hi, smiling , i agree with you. what is friend for? friend is for us to share our happiness and sadness. we must keep the friend as sincere, kindness and i believe that we could attract a lot of friend surounding us. i have a lot of friend because i think that our life are short just about 70 or 80 years so, i suggest that we should appreaciate what we have now and try to keep a friend from other even stranger. actually friend means two people willing to get know each other. dont you agree with me?

[coffeedecafe]

[quote="jameswong"]hi, smiling , i agree with you. what is friend for? friend is for us to share our happiness and sadness. we must keep the friend as sincere, kindness

hani wrote good poetry which is often true, but i am tempted to title 'friends as they should be'. being friendly is a start to being friends, but are friends not proved rather than chosen? don't they show up, sometimes unexpectedly, from some very small beginning. is a sharing of secrets a proof of true friendship, or just a proof that you believe you are in the presence of a friend? even if you are friendly, but no time is spent with another, friendship grows more slowly. would you say to someone who thinks that they cannot have friends if people know who they are, thatmaybe they are depending on too small a population base? or the person that is them is not self understood and can blossom in the presence of others who are mutual, not self based? just being unsure of some area of your life can slow the friend making rate. in asking questions that really mean,'who are you and can we be at peace around each other, the first safe question is,'well, what do you do?' just think of the last time you were in an embarrassing or painful situation, what was your attitude those who were showed kindness?
okay full speed ahead philosophy- friendships and flowers. even if you planted the seed yourself, the blossom is still a surprise.
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coffeedecafe