Hello,
I am new here and from germany. I am very interested in business letters. I have written 3 differece letters. Could you please correct my letters? I thank u in advance.
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Situation:
You are a small company in Germany who supply gifts to various outlets. These gifts consists of ornaments, candles, keyrings, mugs, etc.. You are writing to a company in Britain who specialise in ornate candles. You have seen an old brochure of theirs passed on to you by a friend and wish to find out more information. Your letter should give reference to costs, samples, delivery and brochures.
My answer:
sender
receiver
Dear Mr. Bailey,
Receptionist – Ref.: brochure
I have received your address, fax and e – mail address from my friend. I am writing this letter because I have been informed by my friend that you are a company in Britain who specialise in ornate candles.
I have a small company in Germany and supply gifts to various outlets. The gifts which I supply gifts to various outlets. The gifts which I supply are made of ornaments, candles, key rings, mugs, etc..
I am interested in your ornate candles. I saw your products an old brochure on to my by a friend. I would like to more information about the candles.
Please send me the newest brochures and also the samples, too. Let me know about the cost of the samples. Please give me details on your terms of payment and delivery.
I thank you in advance for the sending your newest brochures and the samples.
If you have any question please ring me up immediately.
Yours sincerely
Mueller
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Situation:
You are a buyer for a department store in Paderborn responsible for the clothing department. You have been informed by a colleague about a new clothing manufacturer specialising in ladies fashion and that they are looking for an outlet. Your letter should give reference to discounts available, delivery and sample viewing.
My answer:
sender
receiver
Dear Mrs. Mc Daniel,
I have received your address, fax and telephone number on the newspaper (“the daily news”) on Saturday 14th April 2005.
I am a buyer for a department store in Paderborn and also responsible for the clothing department.
I have been informed by a colleague about a new clothing manufacture specialising in ladies fashion and that they are looking for an outlet.
Please send me sample for viewing and let me know about discounts available.
Please give me details on your term of delivery for references please click my home page on the internet www.clothes-pb.de.
I thank you in advance and waiting for yours offers.
Yours sincerely
Becker
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Situation:
You run a small hardware shop and have been having problems with you current supplier. You decide to contact a leading manufacturer to enquire about their prices for tools, if purchased on a regular basis, and about delivery. You require a brochure with a price list.
My answer:
sender
receiver
Dear Miss Harry,
receptionist – Ref.: brochure with a price list.
I got your name, address, fax and e – mail address from your home page. I have been already informed by my girlfriend that you are manufactures of hardware tools. I am interested in your company.
I run a small hardware shop in Hahn. The Hardware which I sell is for example soundcard, graphic card and etc.
I am writing you this enquiry letter because I have problem with my current supplier from last one week. That’ s why I decide to contact you as a leading manufacturer of Hardware tools.
Please send your new brochure with a price list as soon as possible. The reason is why I need brochure with a price list is, I have received many enquiries from customers to fix their own personal computers.
Please quote your lowest price for hardware tools, on a regular basis purchased. Please give me details on your terms of delivery. If you have any question about enquiries, please ring me up immediately.
I thank you in advance and waiting for yours offers.
Yours sincerely
Judith
business letters correction
Moderators: Dimitris, maneki neko2, Lorikeet, Enrico Palazzo, superpeach, cecil2, Mr. Kalgukshi2
You should really post in the student forum, but never mind.
I'll tackle the first letter and leave the other two to someone else.
Firstly, Priyaa, your English is good enough to get the message across and be understood. But you could make it more effective.
You have too many paragraphs for a simple letter. Just three paragraphs would be fine:
1 Background information
2 Details
3 Request action/closing
Some nitpicking:
(This is important as it is a sentence you are likely to use often.)
If you were my student, I would ask you to rewrite it now and then I would check the second draft.
Emile
I'll tackle the first letter and leave the other two to someone else.
Firstly, Priyaa, your English is good enough to get the message across and be understood. But you could make it more effective.
You have too many paragraphs for a simple letter. Just three paragraphs would be fine:
1 Background information
2 Details
3 Request action/closing
Some nitpicking:
Read this carefully, and I think you will see it doesn't make sense. Also, it's bad form in English to repeat words, like gifts in this sentence.The gifts which I supply gifts to various outlets.
...like to know more... or ...like more...I would like to more information about the candles.
(This is important as it is a sentence you are likely to use often.)
If you were my student, I would ask you to rewrite it now and then I would check the second draft.
Emile