Job Discussion Forums

Sherri · Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 5:26 pm Post subject:

It's the way that Japanese people are so quick to say "We Japanese..." to explain behavior that amazed me. And that the "we Japanese" explanation was often unsolicited. My tendency as an American is to look first at my individual behavior and then at larger groups.

I knew a teacher who used to mark the essays for the United Nations English exam, anytime a candidate used the phrase "we Japanese" he instantly failed the candidate!

Best
Sherri

shuize · Joined: 04 Sep 2004 Posts: 1270

Do you ever hear Japanese say "We Japanese..." to justify things among themeselves?

Sure it happens. But very rarely. I think it's more a "You foreigner/Me Japanese" and I'd rather not spend an hour trying to explain why we do it this way.

By the way, Paulh is not alone in his frustrations about Japanese family life and the "Well, honey, why don't you work three jobs while I stay home with the kids" attitude among Japanese women.

I've seen it a lot in my years here both in and out of the foreign community. The Japanese woman is often a very different creature once the children come. More than one of my foreign male friends have confided in me that they only plan to stay married long enough to raise the children.

PAULH · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 4672 Location: Western Japan

Got my health check results back and the main red flag was my weight, a fatty liver and generally a lack of exercise. i dont eat any more than she does but still put on the pounds. I also put it down to my weight and eating to stress at having work all the time as well as study, worry about future etc.

her curt response was that "does that mean that all people who have stress put on weight?" the Prime Minister has a stressfull job but he's not fat.

Her basic attitude is that I can run my body and health into the ground, work till i keel over, be stressed out to the max, but its OK as long as the money keeps rolling in, I dont have a heart attack and become incapacitated.

I have mentioned her getting a job to pick up some of the slack but that idea falls on deaf ears because of her age and school-age kids.

Sherri · Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 5:21 am Post subject:

I was a stay at home mom for just over 3 years and I DID NOT LIKE IT! I could not wait to get a job. Now I work semifull time and am finishing my MA dissertation and take care of 2 kids. I like the variety and the intellectual stimulation. I also like the fact that my husband can work from home. Now we have a more fulfilling family life than we had in Japan since he is not working so much. We don't earn nearly the same amount of money, but our lifestyle is miles better. Paul H, I know you are thinking about it because you have mentioned it in other posts, but maybe it is time you left Japan and changed your lifestyle?

Best
Sherri

PAULH · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 4672 Location: Western Japan

Sherri · Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 6:10 am Post subject:

Hi Paul
I really hope you get the job! Like you (I think) we had good money coming in, we saved a lot but we were both so stressed out by life in Tokyo. It is so different now. I am so glad we made the move. My husband's health improved so much that he got off the high blood pressure meds he was on in Japan. It is so worth it.

Best
Sherri

Stosskraft · Joined: 12 Apr 2004 Posts: 252 Location: Japan

Hey Paul,

Any chance you can make time in your schedule for some exercise? Even an hour at the local gym or Dojo, it would do wonders for your physical and metal health.
Also consider a SLOW change in diet to shed some of the extra pounds. Many people make the mistake of drastically changing their diet to rapidly and this can cause other problems, such as fatigue and headaches.
Take care and get better, remember your health is number one priority for yourself and family.

Stosskraft · Joined: 12 Apr 2004 Posts: 252 Location: Japan

Ouch, I admit I didn't like some of the eikaiwa teacher comments, but come on. Don't kick someone when they are down.

I have recently went through a difficult time here and posting on this forum was a big help. I received some great and helpful advice (Paul included) I hope we can extend this courtesy to everyone when they need it.

PAULH · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 4672 Location: Western Japan

[quote="Sour Grape"]

EDIT

PAULH · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 4672 Location: Western Japan

Sour Grape,

my original post was intended to be sarcastic and tongue in cheek. Your post smells of insecurity, pri-ck envy and spite.

moot point · Joined: 22 Feb 2005 Posts: 441

Sorry PaulH, but I saw the humour in that one. It was actually quite funny, and also hits close to home with myself.

But, hey, it's good to laugh at ourselves a little bit. Sometimes it gives us a clearer picture of the position we're in or shed some light on the direction we should be heading.

abufletcher · Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:23 pm Post subject:

shuize · Joined: 04 Sep 2004 Posts: 1270

As Paulh has pointed out, for many Japanese women an "international marriage" means exactly the same as a conventional Japanese marriage: Husband busts his ass for an ungrateful family -- with the only difference being that she can also gripe about his unwillingness to suck it up without complaint like a Japanese man would.

PAULH · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 4672 Location: Western Japan

Brooks · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 1369 Location: Sagamihara

yep, Shuize.
That`s it.
Work hard and don`t complain.
No wonder so many salarymen read manga, drink too much, etc.
They want to escape their reality.