Job Discussion Forums

[kdynamic]

This discussion kind of got started in another thread but I didn't want to go off topic over there so I started a new one.

Anyway, lately I have just been exausted by constantly being treated like a freak. Constantly being stared at. Constantly being asked stupid questions. I have friends and coworkers that treat me like a normal human being, but whenever we go anywhere it starts all over with the staring and pointing.... I know Japan has serious legal and social problems with racism. But I am talking more about the everyday sort of things. The things you can't escape even if you're not dealing with renting an apartment or finding a job or becoming a citizen or any of the other big junctures where it crops up. I am talking about going to the supermarket, riding the train, just doing your job at work.

The things is, this is NOT a surprise to me. I'm not a Japan newbie. I know this topic has been gone over a thousand times. But what I can't figure out is why is it bothing me more and more instead of less and less? I plan to be here a little while longer... is it just going to keep getting worse? I know I am not going to change Japan, but how do I change myself so it doesn't bother me? I know culture shock and adjusting is a long and cyclical process with ups and downs, but I don't think I wil ever learn to simply accept racism and prejudice. So what do I do? Have any other people gone through coming to terms with this, thought they were doing ok with it, and then BAM been hit with it all over again? That's how I am feeling.

[JimDunlop2]

I feel for ya, man! I get that sensation too sometimes... But let me ask you this: do you live in a rural area? do you look unusual?

If you live in a place where foreigners are uncommon, you will certainly get the stares, annyoing questions, etc... Much more so than in a larger city where you are just another face in the crowd.

Also, if you look somehow unusual could certainly be part of it. Are you taller than 6 feet (193cm) or heavier than an average Westerner? Do you wear your hair in an unusual style or colour? Body piercings? Tattoos?

I must say, that even though I have gotten my share of looks, comments, questions, etc... Overall it hasn't been so significant. I am caucasian, have dark brown hair, 193 cm and average build... I can't say that I've felt like a freak show too often, thankfully.

Nevertheless, it definitely sucks to be in that position, and I hope it gets better for you soon.

[JimDunlop2]

Sorry.. Couldn't resist...

GIS for "freak" yields.......

[kdynamic]

I am pretty normal looking... dark hair and eyes, get mistaken for Japanese from the back sometimes. I try to blend in a little. I dress conservatively.

Yes, I think being in a small town is the biggest factor. I never had this big a problem with it when I lived in a bigger city. But it happens all over Japan. A particularly blatant example happened recently at the Chubu International Airport. It's an international airport and they still treat non-Japanese that way! I feel it even when I travel to a big city like Tokyo, Nagoya, or Osaka.

I am aware that I am sensitive to it too. I notice it even when it's subtle enough that I could concievabley ignore it. This increased sensitivity is part of this whole phase of it bothering me more. So my question remains - what do I do about it? How do I live my daily life without letting it get to me? Will I simply cycle back into it not bothering me as much eventually?

[PAULH]

[Zzonkmiles]

I am currently in my third year of living in Japan, but I took a short trip back home to recharge my battery a few weeks ago. When I came back to Japan, I thought I felt refreshed, but it didn't take long for me to start feeling something similar to what the original poster is experiencing.

Yes, I too understand culture shock and isolation and language barriers and whatnot. In my case, I think I've dealt with the challenges in Japan quite nicely and can get by in the language fairly well. But I think I've reached a point where I simply am not so sure I want to deal with it anymore. It's not that I can't, but rather that I don't want to.

There are many effective ways to deal with being asked if you can use chopsticks. But that doesn't mean I like having to deal with it in the first place.

There are many effective ways to deal with being stared or pointed at. But that doesn't mean I like having to deal with it in the first place.

My coworkers were marveling at my hanko (with a katakana imprint, just like most of yours) yesterday even though they've seen it several times before. I could effectively handle all their "sugois" and whatnot, but that doesn't mean I like hearing it.

When I originally came to Japan, I fell in love with the place and have generally had a positive experience here. But now I can feel that I am on the tail end of my tenure here. Going back home was the smartest thing I've done here in a while. I guess some of us want to try so hard not to be the guy "who can't hack it here" or the weakling "who can't deal with the culture shock" or whatever that we end up staying here far longer than we should. But look, there's no shame in coming to Japan and winning some battles while losing others. The fact is, you survived. And now maybe it's time to take that next step.

As for me, When I first arrived here, I originally figured I'd be in Japan between 3 and 5 years, and it looks like it will be close to 4 when I finally go back home next year. So I knew my limit. I, too, like Japan and am generally happy here despite its idiosyncracies. But I could also be happy back at home too where I have greater possibilities for career advacement and don't have to worry so much about the day-to-day sideshow of being a strange person in a strange land. So I know it's time for me to wind things down, pack my bags, and go home. Perhaps it's time for you to consider the same thing.

[shuize]

I have a lot of time invested in Japan. My Japanese is solid. I have a good job which is not the year to year variety. Like Zzonkmiles, however, I recently went home for the first time in several years. Man, it was relaxing. If I could get paid anywhere close to what I make here (for the number of hours worked) back in the states, I think I'd jump at the chance. But I know that's never going to happen.

By the way, kdynamic, I remember you mentioned you were thinking of studying in China. I don't know a lot about it, but from what I've heard the concerns you've mentioned in your OP are just as bad if not worse there.

[gaijinalways]

[Keith_Alan_W]

kdynamic,

I don't quite understand what you are complaining about, after all isn't everyone from an individualistic society just yearning to be noticed?? Regardless of whether this is true or not, in Japan I haven't noticed too much staring here. When I was in a rural suburb of Shanghai I did notice it however. It was hard to deal with at first (both times I lived there). The reason being that I was the only white person in town and many people had never seen a whitey before.

Here's a little taste of what I encountered:

Dozens of people following me home from the supermarket every time I went to shop.

Entire kitchen staffs standing in the restaurant to watch me eat with chopsticks.

Noodle shop owners seating me in the window so crowd of people outside could watch me while I ate.

400 school children almost pushing me off a 3rd floor balcony because they wanted an autograph (that was pretty scary actually).

Daily offers from pretty girls I met on the bus to come home and meet their parents.

Almost daily offers of employment for management positions, modeling positions, TV soap spots etc. etc.

Every massage girl in town calling out to me and trying to pull me into their salon.

Daily offers to drink with random strangers.

While working in a public school there I was repeatedly photographed by students as I taught (not the students partaking of my lessons though, thank god!)

Every time I walked by a classroom window at the school, most of the students would run to the windows and yell and wave at me (their teachers hated me for that I think). I'd usually wave back.

People always yelling hello (it's the only English word most Chinese know), which became annoying very quickly.

People calling my chinese girlfriend a prostitute as we walked together. (I didn't know about this until near the end of my last visit there or I would've probably punched some of them out).

I often got to wait with the head of the railway station in his office whenever I too the train. They even brought me meals for free!

Actually, almost every policeman I met asked me to come home for dinner. I even got to eat illegal foods like monkey brain and boild dog because I'd go out restaurants with them!

I was always allowed to smoke in non-smoking trains, usually under the 'protection' of the head policeman on the train who refused to let any one use the seats beside or across from me even though the trains were very over crowded.

In sort, I felt like a movie star most of the time and enjoyed the attention. Admittedly, it was hard to deal with at first. I wouldn't go outside until nightfall because it was all too much at first. But I soon got used to it and found the attention to be to my advantage. Upon returning to Canada it was quite a shock to once again be 'normal'. More of a shock actually!

I've had bad situations as well, but most these were due to the fact that people thought I was an American. for example, getting spit on in Mexico city, and having bottles thrown at me in small chinese village by a mob of drunk young men.

While living in Germany I fit in too well. Everyone assumed I was German and expected me to be fluent in their language from the moment I got off the plane. I also lived in the East in the heartland of the modern Nazi (NPD) movement. This led to lots of comments about 'stupid foreigner' stealing jobs etc., usually said so they weren't very audible. These dorks would quickly shut-up and try to hide when I'd respond to them in an aggressive manner. (My biggest problem with Germans was the importance they attach to their language. If anything can drive you mad, it's a bunch of people who don't understand why a foriegner wouldn't know how to speak a language that is only useful in one part of the world and no where else! Their insistance that it was important, and their constant hounding of me is the central reason why I would never speak it even though I learned to read and understand it quite well.)

My main piece of advice here is to figure out how to use their interest to your advantage. Charge them 5000 yen an hour to talk to you. Find out what business they are in, maybe you'll meet someone who can get you acting work or something. Make some friends and meet pretty girls

[shuize]

[Keith_Alan_W]

shuize:

I never stated that all of these experiences were "problems", just that they were experiences. Obviously some are better than others

[shuize]

[Sweetsee]

Gaijinalways touched on it Kdynamic and I will say it again: it's all about you, what you make of the attention, perceived or otherwise. There's no way around it, if you live in the boonies you are going to be something to look at. The trick is to play it off, make like you are no different than anyone else. Try and think of yourself as not even there while you are sitting on the train. Fill your mind with pleasant thoughts and wear a smile. Think about how lucky you are in this time and place. Think about things you are going to do in the near future that will be fun. And most importantly think of others. Think about what it would be like if you were them, living all their lives in a rural backwater where the highlight of the day is the evening wide-show or perhaps a trip to the public bath. And above all, enjoy yourself, each and every minute--life is short.

[SEndrigo]

Yeah, why not go along with the whole "rock star" thing....if they want to stare at you, fine.

See if you can get some free drinks out of it, or hot groupies or something.

[sidjameson]

Wow Keith, you've just made me want to live in China:)........How old were you at that time. Up to about 33 I did actually get some of that myself here in Japan.....haha well at least in my juiour high school......but in the last couple of years I have definitly moved down to the b-list celebrity:)