Korean Job Discussion Forums

The Bobster · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

You are a teacher. Be a teacher. Mark the day on your calendar when she will no longer be your student, then stand next to her and say in whatever language she will understand : "Yes, I noticed you. Do you want to have coffee?"

After you take your first sip of the cafe latte, explain to her that you were also feeling the same chemistry all along, but the role of being teacher kept you from being able to display reciprocal feelings, so it had to wait ...

Yeah, sounds wierd, but it's a wierd situation ... and don't tell anyone, but it happened to me, sort of like that, and she's my wife now. I'm a happy man, and every day I'm doing my best to make her a happy woman.

crsandus · Joined: 05 Oct 2004

djsmnc · Joined: 20 Jan 2003 Location: Dave's ESL Cafe

Man, this thread makes me feel like an unprofessional creep.

I couldn't help what happened, I was victimized. After class. In my room...

poet13 · Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 10:38 pm Post subject:

Uni or hakwon.....I think being a teacher demands certain moral restraints. No matter what you feel for each other, I believe any teacher-student relationship in some way influences the 'recipe', and when stuff goes bad down the line, as the majority of relationships do, it leaves you in a very awkward position. I think if I absolutely had to do something about it, I would tell the girl that, yes, I liked her, and I was interested in her, but that as her teacher, we had to maintain that relationship. If and when you she is not your student, have at it.

Adventurer · Joined: 28 Jan 2006

Young FRANKenstein · Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 6:28 am Post subject:

If they are my student, and I am their teacher, then nothing happens.

Once they stop being my student, well, it's open season. Professional ethics are no longer relevant.

eamo · Joined: 08 Mar 2003 Location: Shepherd's Bush, 1964.

Adventurer · Joined: 28 Jan 2006

Thanks for your input. I am not going to do anything. That is what I decided. I am not against hanging out which my Korean co-teacher suggested she do with her and myself. If something is meant to be, then it can happen. I was hired to teach her English, and that is what I am going to do. I can enjoy her presence but more than that would have to mean she can't be my student. I am not desperate to do such a thing. She is a good catch, it seems, but you are not supposed to date your students. Of course, it is hard not to think about that with the way she seems to be in front of me. I also thought about this topic after someone told me that one of his ex-students asked him out (another place), and she is his fiancee.

twg · Joined: 02 Nov 2006 Location: Getting some fresh air...

Homer · Guest

mithridates · Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 6:30 am Post subject:

I myself would think it quite hilarious if an Italian or some other language teacher at a private school back home was having an ethic quandry about whether to date me or not.

RACETRAITOR · Joined: 24 Oct 2005 Location: Seoul, South Korea

Although I spoke out against dating students, I can't really object to dating former students. It's weird, maybe as weird as breaking up with a girl and dating her sister, but not totally wrong.

There are certain relationships built around uneven power that should never lead to dating. Other examples are doctor/patient relationships and boss/employee relationships. You have to wonder, is she attracted to you because of who you are or what you are? If you weren't her teacher, would she ever be attracted to you?

Adventurer · Joined: 28 Jan 2006

mithridates · Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 8:15 am Post subject:

But she's an adult student, no? This is an odd thread. Obviously you're a decent guy (from all your posts on the CE board), you're an adult, she's an adult, you're not her senior in any way except as an English teacher but I assume where you teach at isn't a school where there is huge competition for grades. So what's the problem? "Don't shit where you work" doesn't apply here.
Even if you're not going to go for it (which I suppose is fine as well, but it shouldn't be from any 'moral' concern), if she's that special a person then each of your classes is a gift where you get to spend one-on-one time with her and get to know each other, which is the whole purpose of dating anyway.

Oh, and as for your last paragraph (which I just noticed now), I do speak from experience dating both students and people I worked with in Japan as well as here, and not once was there a problem. Maybe it's lack of emotion that lets me switch back into teacher/coworker mode though at the drop of a hat though, I don't know. I don't know where all the other nightmare stories come from.