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Attractive Adult Students
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crsandus



Joined: 05 Oct 2004
PostPosted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 9:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Adventurer wrote:

I do work at a hagwon. I almost feel bad for the girl because she is longing for love and companionship, and I feel drawn to her, but the certified teacher part of me keeps saying "no", but certified teachers teach high schoolers or people who are younger and this is quite different. These are paying professionals who are in the age of majority. They can make up their own minds. It might sound corny but I hate seeing a sweet, sensual, warm girl feel lonely, and she seems awesome. I intend, though, to hold out and resist and just do my job.
It can be hard, that I will say. I am not into yellow fever, but I am a humanist and love people. I would prefer a Western girl who is compatible, but I am just a man and feel for this Korean sweet gal.
I am sure you can understand. I wouldn't mind taking it easy being friends with her and being chaperoned with the Korean co-teacher, so I can try to avoid something happening. I just can't help thinking "wow" when I am in her presence. It sounds so wacky, but, again, if I would find a great Western girl that would be preferable for me due to the language and cultural differences and the fact that I am a teacher.


I think people think too much when it comes to relationships. You should ask yourself basic questions and just follow your gut instincts.

1. Are you both consenting adults?

2. Are you attractive to each other?

3. Do you want to be together?

When you start rationalizing things and thinking about what you ideally "want" (eg. a western girl with similar interests) you kill a lot of things before they have a chance to blossom into something good. I've found that the vast majority of people really don't what they really want. Sure they want a pretty girl/boy who can have a conversation but beyond that it's a crapshoot.

I've seen way too many relationships that had no business lasting longer than 2 weeks end up in happy marriages and I've also seen what seemed like perfect couple end up hating each other and very bitter. I'm not telling you to jump her bones, but stop making excuses to yourself.

If you don't end up doing anything with this girl, she's just end up being another one of those "I wish I had..." type of memories.

Last edited by crsandus on Fri Jan 26, 2007 9:24 am; edited 1 time in total
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The Bobster



Joined: 15 Jan 2003
PostPosted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 9:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
You are a teacher. Be a teacher. Mark the day on your calendar when she will no longer be your student, then stand next to her and say in whatever language she will understand : "Yes, I noticed you. Do you want to have coffee?"

After you take your first sip of the cafe latte, explain to her that you were also feeling the same chemistry all along, but the role of being teacher kept you from being able to display reciprocal feelings, so it had to wait ...

Yeah, sounds wierd, but it's a wierd situation ... and don't tell anyone, but it happened to me, sort of like that, and she's my wife now. I'm a happy man, and every day I'm doing my best to make her a happy woman.
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crsandus



Joined: 05 Oct 2004
PostPosted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 9:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
The Bobster wrote:
You are a teacher. Be a teacher. Mark the day on your calendar when she will no longer be your student, then stand next to her and say in whatever language she will understand : "Yes, I noticed you. Do you want to have coffee?"

After you take your first sip of the cafe latte, explain to her that you were also feeling the same chemistry all along, but the role of being teacher kept you from being able to display reciprocal feelings, so it had to wait ...

Yeah, sounds wierd, but it's a wierd situation ... and don't tell anyone, but it happened to me, sort of like that, and she's my wife now. I'm a happy man, and every day I'm doing my best to make her a happy woman.


This is the best reply on this subject I've read so far. Glad things worked out for you Bobster
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djsmnc



Joined: 20 Jan 2003
Location: Dave's ESL Cafe
PostPosted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 6:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Man, this thread makes me feel like an unprofessional creep.

I couldn't help what happened, I was victimized. After class. In my room...
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poet13



Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Location: Just over there....throwing lemons.
PostPosted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 10:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Uni or hakwon.....I think being a teacher demands certain moral restraints. No matter what you feel for each other, I believe any teacher-student relationship in some way influences the 'recipe', and when stuff goes bad down the line, as the majority of relationships do, it leaves you in a very awkward position. I think if I absolutely had to do something about it, I would tell the girl that, yes, I liked her, and I was interested in her, but that as her teacher, we had to maintain that relationship. If and when you she is not your student, have at it.
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Adventurer



Joined: 28 Jan 2006
PostPosted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 12:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
poet13 wrote:
Uni or hakwon.....I think being a teacher demands certain moral restraints. No matter what you feel for each other, I believe any teacher-student relationship in some way influences the 'recipe', and when stuff goes bad down the line, as the majority of relationships do, it leaves you in a very awkward position. I think if I absolutely had to do something about it, I would tell the girl that, yes, I liked her, and I was interested in her, but that as her teacher, we had to maintain that relationship. If and when you she is not your student, have at it.


I agree with that. I am not an opportunist. If a person showed interest, they would have to stop being my pupil or not try to pursue it, and if the person wanted to stay at the place to change teachers. Anyway, this is just a thought. I have a lot of respect for my position, boss, and the person in question. I brought this up because a fellow I know has a fiancee who was once someone he taught (adult, of course). I just would feel weird teaching the person in that case.

Thanks..
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Young FRANKenstein



Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Location: Castle Frankenstein (that's FRONKensteen)
PostPosted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 6:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
If they are my student, and I am their teacher, then nothing happens.

Once they stop being my student, well, it's open season. Professional ethics are no longer relevant.
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eamo



Joined: 08 Mar 2003
Location: Shepherd's Bush, 1964.
PostPosted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 10:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
The Bobster wrote:
You are a teacher. Be a teacher. Mark the day on your calendar when she will no longer be your student, then stand next to her and say in whatever language she will understand : "Yes, I noticed you. Do you want to have coffee?"

After you take your first sip of the cafe latte, explain to her that you were also feeling the same chemistry all along, but the role of being teacher kept you from being able to display reciprocal feelings, so it had to wait ...

Yeah, sounds wierd, but it's a wierd situation ... and don't tell anyone, but it happened to me, sort of like that, and she's my wife now. I'm a happy man, and every day I'm doing my best to make her a happy woman.


There you are. All in a nutshell.

Or, if you want to get cookin' right away, then ask her to change her class/hagwon and ask her out for a coffee!
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Adventurer



Joined: 28 Jan 2006
PostPosted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 5:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Thanks for your input. I am not going to do anything. That is what I decided. I am not against hanging out which my Korean co-teacher suggested she do with her and myself. If something is meant to be, then it can happen. I was hired to teach her English, and that is what I am going to do. I can enjoy her presence but more than that would have to mean she can't be my student. I am not desperate to do such a thing. She is a good catch, it seems, but you are not supposed to date your students. Of course, it is hard not to think about that with the way she seems to be in front of me. I also thought about this topic after someone told me that one of his ex-students asked him out (another place), and she is his fiancee.
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twg



Joined: 02 Nov 2006
Location: Getting some fresh air...
PostPosted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 5:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
SuperFly wrote:
Never poopy where you eat.

What Poochie said.