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Cynical Optimist

Joined: 26 Feb 2006 Location: S.E. Korea
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 12:29 pm Post subject: Being human -- cheaters aren't. |
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I decided to trust a girl most men wouldn't. Everyone told me I was being foolish. I knew the risk. I decided to take it anyway and believe in this girl. I wanted to believe that stereotypes and generalizations could be proven wrong.
Instead, I've been proven wrong. While playing innocent, she had another boyfriend on the side -- for over 5 months. And she still hasn't admitted it to me. I've had to find out from a friend. I'm pissed and hurt. But do I feel stupid, foolish, or pathetic for having trusted her? On the contrary, I just feel deep disappointment that a person could be so heartless. Why should I feel bad for having faith in a person? She's the one who has the questions to answer: Where's your decency? Where's your conscience? What kind of hollow person do you have to be to lie to the face of someone who gives you his love and treats you with nothing but respect? So ultimately, I just feel sorry for her -- sorry that this person I loved has turned out to be nothing more than a heartless, soulless, liar.
Strike one for humanity.
A soapbox message to any cheaters out there: Sack-up and make a choice. Especially if you're in a relationship where you tell the other person that you love them. Making a mistake and doing something with someone besides your significant other is understandable and forgivable -- IF you admit it and take steps to make things right. If you can't be honest, if you can't summon up the decency to have some respect for the person who loves you, then you are failing at being a human being.
* * *
Here's a video of me and her fighting (crappy movie but OH so appropriate):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fe3ypneGg0 |
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sock

Joined: 07 Oct 2006
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 1:04 pm Post subject: |
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Not to be rude, but she wasn't all that attractive in the video, unless you are turned on by the zombie-ripping-your-heart-out thing. I think you could do much better.
Yeah, man, that sucks. We feel your pain. Hope the next one more than makes up for her. |
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Ya-ta Boy
Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: Established in 1994
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 2:35 pm Post subject: |
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But do I feel stupid, foolish, or pathetic for having trusted her? On the contrary, I just feel deep disappointment that a person could be so heartless. Why should I feel bad for having faith in a person? |
IOW, you knew she was a bad risk from the beginning and chose to ignore that information. That's different from trusting someone you have no reason to distrust.
I think most people deserve to be trusted until they prove you wrong. Other people have already been proven untrustworthy and there is nothing I can do to change them. |
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seoulunitarian

Joined: 06 Jul 2004
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 7:56 pm Post subject: re: |
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I think everyone should go into a relationship (if they expect it to be long-term) with the the expectation that their partner will cheat. Not only should they have that expectation, but they should inform their partner of that expectation, and make an occassional sexual laison permissable. Sex does not = love, and the sooner couples learn that, the longer more couples will stay together. The same body gets old after a while, but true love really never withers away.
Peace |
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livinginkunsan

Joined: 02 Dec 2006
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 7:59 pm Post subject: Re: re: |
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seoulunitarian wrote: |
I think everyone should go into a relationship (if they expect it to be long-term) with the the expectation that their partner will cheat. Not only should they have that expectation, but they should inform their partner of that expectation, and make an occassional sexual laison permissable. Sex does not = love, and the sooner couples learn that, the longer more couples will stay together. The same body gets old after a while, but true love really never withers away.
Peace |
You truly are messed up dude. |
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oskinny1

Joined: 10 Nov 2006 Location: Right behind you!
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 8:01 pm Post subject: Re: re: |
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seoulunitarian wrote: |
I think everyone should go into a relationship (if they expect it to be long-term) with the the expectation that their partner will cheat. Not only should they have that expectation, but they should inform their partner of that expectation, and make an occassional sexual laison permissable. Sex does not = love, and the sooner couples learn that, the longer more couples will stay together. The same body gets old after a while, but true love really never withers away. |
But I think she was dating another guy, not just some one night stand. Big difference.
To the OP. Gets some shots of you 2 "together" and be sure to show the other boyfriend. No reason she should be happy with the other guy as well. |
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jinju
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 8:19 pm Post subject: Re: re: |
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seoulunitarian wrote: |
I think everyone should go into a relationship (if they expect it to be long-term) with the the expectation that their partner will cheat. Not only should they have that expectation, but they should inform their partner of that expectation, and make an occassional sexual laison permissable. Sex does not = love, and the sooner couples learn that, the longer more couples will stay together. The same body gets old after a while, but true love really never withers away.
Peace |
Ahhhh the gay mentality. No wonder most of you have some sort of STD |
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seoulunitarian

Joined: 06 Jul 2004
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 9:10 pm Post subject: Re: re: |
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jinju wrote: |
seoulunitarian wrote: |
I think everyone should go into a relationship (if they expect it to be long-term) with the the expectation that their partner will cheat. Not only should they have that expectation, but they should inform their partner of that expectation, and make an occassional sexual laison permissable. Sex does not = love, and the sooner couples learn that, the longer more couples will stay together. The same body gets old after a while, but true love really never withers away.
Peace |
Ahhhh the gay mentality. No wonder most of you have some sort of STD |
Condoms solve that problem across sexual orientations. It's not the gay mentality. It's the Future Shock mentality.
Peace |
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endo

Joined: 14 Mar 2004 Location: Seoul...my home
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 9:10 pm Post subject: Re: re: |
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jinju wrote: |
seoulunitarian wrote: |
I think everyone should go into a relationship (if they expect it to be long-term) with the the expectation that their partner will cheat. Not only should they have that expectation, but they should inform their partner of that expectation, and make an occassional sexual laison permissable. Sex does not = love, and the sooner couples learn that, the longer more couples will stay together. The same body gets old after a while, but true love really never withers away.
Peace |
Ahhhh the gay mentality. No wonder most of you have some sort of STD |
I'm straight and I kind of agree.
However, it's a slippery slope.
I love my girlfriend and have straight out refused sex with two other girls who I've previously fantasized about. It was hard, but I love my girlfriend and don't want to do that to her because I wouldn't want her. More importantly, I wouldn't want her to do the same thing to me.
But we've only been dating a year and a half. So the thought of physically being with one girl for the rest of my life scares me. Especially since I fantisize about other girls all the time (but have never acted on). |
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seoulunitarian

Joined: 06 Jul 2004
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 9:25 pm Post subject: re: |
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I suppose my point is that it is human nature to have more than one sexual partner. Anyone who sits back objectively and considers the actual nature of the human species must agree. It is only the ego drive of jealousy which forbids the one we love from having other sexual experiences. It's great if two people who are also partners are able to overcome their petty jealousies and accept the nature of things. I should also add that if one partner disagrees with the above mindset, the more accepting partner should sacrifice whatever urges he or she has to the relationship if they consider the relationship worth continuing.
Peace |
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R-Seoul

Joined: 23 Aug 2006 Location: your place
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 9:38 pm Post subject: |
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What gets me is the sheer volume of women that cheat on their boyfriends/husbands etc. here. I've not been in Korea too long and already I've been with two women that were married & one that was engaged who were actively seeing other men. It does shake your belief in women somewhat, the one that was engaged only apologized to me for getting caught she didn't seem in the slightest bit bothered by the fact that she was cheating on her fianc�. |
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nautilus

Joined: 26 Nov 2005 Location: Je jump, Tu jump, oui jump!
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 9:48 pm Post subject: |
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...so the best conclusion to draw from this is that cheaters suck, although everyone wants to be the one she cheats with.  |
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endo

Joined: 14 Mar 2004 Location: Seoul...my home
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 12:00 am Post subject: |
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R-Seoul wrote: |
What gets me is the sheer volume of women that cheat on their boyfriends/husbands etc. here. I've not been in Korea too long and already I've been with two women that were married & one that was engaged who were actively seeing other men. It does shake your belief in women somewhat, the one that was engaged only apologized to me for getting caught she didn't seem in the slightest bit bothered by the fact that she was cheating on her fianc�. |
It goes both ways. What are the men doing? Visiting whores? (spelling?) |
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flakfizer

Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Location: scaling the Cliffs of Insanity with a frayed rope.
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 12:26 am Post subject: Re: re: |
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seoulunitarian wrote: |
I suppose my point is that it is human nature to have more than one sexual partner. Anyone who sits back objectively and considers the actual nature of the human species must agree. It is only the ego drive of jealousy which forbids the one we love from having other sexual experiences. It's great if two people who are also partners are able to overcome their petty jealousies and accept the nature of things. I should also add that if one partner disagrees with the above mindset, the more accepting partner should sacrifice whatever urges he or she has to the relationship if they consider the relationship worth continuing.
Peace |
If by "human nature" you mean the fallen version, then yes, it is human nature to have more than one sexual partner. It is also human nature to want to hit of someone for offending you, to seek revenge on those who have wronged you, to have a me-first attitude in general. So what? Civility means not always giving into your own desires out of respect for others. And as for the "ego drive" you mention, what about the "ego drive" to please yourself at the expense of hurting your partner? |
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Young FRANKenstein

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Location: Castle Frankenstein (that's FRONKensteen)
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 4:43 am Post subject: Re: re: |
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oskinny1 wrote: |
To the OP. Gets some shots of you 2 "together" and be sure to show the other boyfriend. No reason she should be happy with the other guy as well. |
And if the other guy is (most likely) Korean, he is her "real" boyfriend anyway and YOU are the one on the side. Showing him pix of you two together will surely tick him off to know "his" girl was with a waegukin. |
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