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drkalbi

Joined: 06 Aug 2006
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Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 12:20 am Post subject: A couple of bad jokes |
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1. If you choke smurf, what color does it turn?
2. If you od on Viagra, how do they close the coffin? |
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Underwaterbob

Joined: 08 Jan 2005 Location: In Cognito
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Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 1:16 am Post subject: |
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Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stayed up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog? |
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BS.Dos.

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
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Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 1:24 am Post subject: |
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If Tommy Cooper were alive today:
I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'
I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'
I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays' |
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SeoulESLteacher09
Joined: 29 Mar 2009 Location: South Carolina
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Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 1:33 am Post subject: clean/dirty joke |
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wanna hear a clean joke? A man took a bath with bubbles.
wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was his neighbor! |
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the oak llama

Joined: 05 Dec 2008
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Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 8:54 am Post subject: |
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Q: Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
A: Fo drizzle
Q: What's E.T. short for?
A: He's got little legs. |
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beercanman
Joined: 16 May 2009
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Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 3:27 pm Post subject: |
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Does Snoop Dogg like bacon?
Fo Sizzle. |
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AmericanExile
Joined: 04 May 2009
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Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 4:38 pm Post subject: |
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This one won a free three day trip to New York. Not at all kidding.
-Knock, knock
-Who's there?
-Mary
-Mary who?
-Marry Me. |
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the oak llama

Joined: 05 Dec 2008
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Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 4:44 pm Post subject: |
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Quote: |
Does Snoop Dogg like bacon?
Fo Sizzle. |
nicely done. |
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the ireland

Joined: 11 May 2008 Location: korea
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Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 7:50 pm Post subject: |
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BS.Dos. wrote: |
If Tommy Cooper were alive today:
I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'
I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'
I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays' |
Anyone else put on a very energetic, stuttering, west country accent when reading those too??? Surely I wasn't the only one! |
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BS.Dos.

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 4:10 am Post subject: |
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You should hear some of my students. Most of them have got Bristolian accents now.
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the oak llama

Joined: 05 Dec 2008
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 8:38 am Post subject: |
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a: knock knock
b: who's there?
a: ADD
b: ADD wh----
a: Let's go ride bikes!!??
a: knock knock
b: who's there?
a: ADHD!
b: ADHD who?
a: (exits room) |
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DorkothyParker

Joined: 11 Apr 2009 Location: Jeju
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 8:40 pm Post subject: |
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Q. What's green and has 4 wheels?
A. Grass! I was just kidding about the wheels.
Two atoms are walking down the street. The first one stops in horror and says, "Oh my God, I think I just lost an electron!" The second one pauses. "Are you sure?" he asks. "Yes," is the reply, "I'm positive."
(That second joke always kills the crowds because, you know, people like science.) |
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dporter

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
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Posted: Sat May 30, 2009 11:56 am Post subject: |
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Guy walks into his neighborhood bar and orders a Coke. The bartender gives him a look at says, 'No beer today?'
Guy says, 'Last night I got so drunk I went home and blew chunks. No more drinking for me.'
Bartender gives him a look of compassion and says, 'Dude, we all puke sometimes.'
Guy hangs his head and says, 'No man, Chunks is my dog.' |
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Cheonmunka

Joined: 04 Jun 2004
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Posted: Sat May 30, 2009 2:40 pm Post subject: |
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Quote: |
Two atoms are walking down the street. The first one stops in horror and says, "Oh my God, I think I just lost an electron!" The second one pauses. "Are you sure?" he asks. "Yes," is the reply, "I'm positive." |
I'm not in any way versed with science. Does the 'Oh my God' bit mean that he has split the atom, and so impending nuclear disaster?
So, when atoms ask the other un-split atom where his friend is, does he say, 'Oh, we had a falling out'? |
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semi-fly

Joined: 07 Apr 2008
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Posted: Sat May 30, 2009 3:11 pm Post subject: |
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Q: What do you call a dead magician's assistant?
A: An abracadaver.
Q:Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank?
A: Because she had an interest in the principal.
Q: What did the wicked chicken lay?
A: Deviled eggs.
Q: What did the rabbit say when he fell into a hole filled with water?
A: Oh, well. |
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