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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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isitts
Joined: 25 Dec 2008
Location: Korea
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 Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:25 am Post subject: Re: What were the signs your marriage was over? |
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| fromtheuk wrote: |
On that 'uplifting' note, what made you realize it was time for a divorce? |
It's over as soon as you have an expectation of what marriage is. If you say things like, "I want a wife/husband who (blah blah blah)", then it's not going to last because you're taking some idea you imagined in your head and trying to superimpose it on a real person.
It also helps to realize that you are also a real person and probably don't fit the mold of someone else's ideal husband/wife. |
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loveless
Joined: 27 Jul 2010
Location: love is a danger of a different kind...
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:35 am Post subject: |
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you know your marriage is over when...oh my God, i've been avoiding this thread coz it hurts...it hurts.  i've just recently divorced and it hurts because i want to get back together but she thinks i'm dirt.
well, i did things that were slightly unethical to me but to her were, well... i'll never go to Thailand/Phillipines/Cambodia again alone without my ball n' chain!
please, not, when is the marriage over, but, how can you get your spouse to love you again when you've been a total loveless jerk? please, change the title of this thread coz i've posted on it! |
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NYC_Gal 2.0
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:38 am Post subject: |
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Last edited by NYC_Gal 2.0 on Tue Jan 11, 2011 6:04 am; edited 1 time in total |
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isitts
Joined: 25 Dec 2008
Location: Korea
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:45 am Post subject: |
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| loveless wrote: |
you know your marriage is over when...oh my God, i've been avoiding this thread coz it hurts...it hurts. i've just recently divorced and it hurts because i want to get back together but she thinks i'm dirt.
well, i did things that were slightly unethical to me but to her were, well... i'll never go to Thailand/Phillipines/Cambodia again alone without my ball n' chain!
please, not, when is the marriage over, but, how can you get your spouse to love you again when you've been a total loveless jerk? please, change the title of this thread coz i've posted on it! |
%#@!, loveless! I just got through bringing us back on topic! Now you want to change the thread title?
The answer to your question is simple, but hard to do: forgive yourself. |
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Globutron
Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Location: England/Anyang
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:48 am Post subject: |
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| NYC_Gal 2.0 wrote: |
| He managed to spend hundreds of thousands on Darwin knows what. A bastard kid, hookers, gambling, I don't know. This was future house money. I don't care about the money, though. I care about the lying. I'd even offered to let him take a year off when work was stressful, and that I'd support him. It's his loss. |
H of T of won or dollars?
Would you be content with him if he openly told you about his hookers and toad racing, then? |
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isitts
Joined: 25 Dec 2008
Location: Korea
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:57 am Post subject: |
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| NYC_Gal 2.0 wrote: |
| He managed to spend hundreds of thousands on Darwin knows what. A bastard kid, hookers, gambling, I don't know. This was future house money. I don't care about the money, though. I care about the lying. I'd even offered to let him take a year off when work was stressful, and that I'd support him. It's his loss. |
Ka-boom! Number one reason takes it again. Money.
Yeah that's a doozie, there. He obviously wasn't thinking about your future.
...Although...was that all his money or was some/most/all of it yours? I would still say expectation was the hidden culprit.
Anyway, that was a no brainer decision for you  That's a the nice kind of break that you don't feel bad about. |
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loveless
Joined: 27 Jul 2010
Location: love is a danger of a different kind...
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 6:56 am Post subject: |
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| isitts wrote: |
| loveless wrote: |
you know your marriage is over when...oh my God, i've been avoiding this thread coz it hurts...it hurts. i've just recently divorced and it hurts because i want to get back together but she thinks i'm dirt.
well, i did things that were slightly unethical to me but to her were, well... i'll never go to Thailand/Phillipines/Cambodia again alone without my ball n' chain!
please, not, when is the marriage over, but, how can you get your spouse to love you again when you've been a total loveless jerk? please, change the title of this thread coz i've posted on it! |
%#@!, loveless! I just got through bringing us back on topic! Now you want to change the thread title?
The answer to your question is simple, but hard to do: forgive yourself. |
i'm so loveless and i just dont know what to do!
i'm still in love with her! 
even after all the pain and struggle...so, in love with her...
there's a bra that she left behind with the scent of her usual perfume that i can't stop smelling every time i think of her at night... gee, am i crazy? love-crazy or lovedrunk..or just insane? oh my, gee...am i to blame?
i call and just wait and listen if her angelic voice will greet me, 'ang-yong'!
...but it never does...
Last edited by loveless on Sun Jan 09, 2011 7:06 am; edited 1 time in total |
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NYC_Gal 2.0
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 7:05 am Post subject: |
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Last edited by NYC_Gal 2.0 on Tue Jan 11, 2011 6:05 am; edited 1 time in total |
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NYC_Gal 2.0
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 7:08 am Post subject: |
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Last edited by NYC_Gal 2.0 on Tue Jan 11, 2011 6:05 am; edited 1 time in total |
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loveless
Joined: 27 Jul 2010
Location: love is a danger of a different kind...
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 7:19 am Post subject: |
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| NYC_Gal 2.0 wrote: |
| isitts wrote: |
| NYC_Gal 2.0 wrote: |
| He managed to spend hundreds of thousands on Darwin knows what. A bastard kid, hookers, gambling, I don't know. This was future house money. I don't care about the money, though. I care about the lying. I'd even offered to let him take a year off when work was stressful, and that I'd support him. It's his loss. |
Ka-boom! Number one reason takes it again. Money.
Yeah that's a doozie, there. He obviously wasn't thinking about your future.
...Although...was that all his money or was some/most/all of it yours? I would still say expectation was the hidden culprit.
Anyway, that was a no brainer decision for you That's a the nice kind of break that you don't feel bad about. |
No. It was time, not money.
Money wasn't the reason. I'd have been with him if he were a pauper. I loved HIM. I offered to pay for HIM. What bothers me is the lying. He was away for months at a time because he was "saving" and "work was very important." I justified missing him because he said he wanted to save up. I told him to take a break and chill out here for a year, write a book, de-stress. He said his job was on shaky ground so he had to work. Now that I know he was squandering everything on whatever, I'm more angry that I wasted time. Money comes and goes. I want my 3 years of mostly separation back. |
is he a writer? coz, i'm kinda of a writer, too, believe it or not! 
well, my point is that writers make up characters, settings and plots that are surreal and not true at times. yet, they can make it seem true and even convince you that's it's all real and genuine for their publishing sake. gee, i hope you know what i mean? like character actors, writers can become the protagonist or even the antagonist of their stories!  i've done it myself and my Korean ex-wife just doesn't get it(God bless her lovely soul)! 
just a thought, though... |
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NYC_Gal 2.0
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 7:24 am Post subject: |
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Last edited by NYC_Gal 2.0 on Tue Jan 11, 2011 6:05 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Globutron
Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Location: England/Anyang
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 7:40 am Post subject: |
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You have hundreds of thousands of dollars you can have disappear without really affecting your standard of life in any way, other than being upset that you had been lied to?
to reiterate... HUNDREDS of thousands of dollars? And you honestly don't care about that, just the lying?
You some kind of millionaire teacher? |
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loveless
Joined: 27 Jul 2010
Location: love is a danger of a different kind...
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 7:45 am Post subject: |
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| NYC_Gal 2.0 wrote: |
He was a writer, in fact, but not as his main job. It was a hobby. He wasn't a great writer, though I told him that he was brilliant, as any good partner would. He'd get offended whenever I edited heavily, so, after my first edit, I learned to just copyedit, and skip the real developmental work.
He may have just been a compulsive shopper, though. He bought a very expensive messenger bag, scratched it the first week (it was a kind of leather that scratches easily), and bought the same exact bag the next week. I took the scratched on, and it's covered now, and looks lovely. 
He's an idiot with money, but I can't fathom how he blew that much without some vice or dark secret. Honestly, whatever it is, I'd like to know, because it's driving me nuts trying to figure it out. Perhaps he needed a Korean style marriage, with his wife holding the purse strings. Either way, he lied to me and I won't forgive him for that.
Again, though, I don't care that it's gone. I care that I wasted a few years of near always separation for a BS excuse. This was after 4 years of being together all the time. Those 4 years were grand, so I figured that I could trust him. |
you have done the right thing. i respect you for your courage and commend you for your candor and self-independence. 
you are a survivor, a winner and somebody i wish was my friend.
i am still struggling to come to grips with my divorce and i just can't seem to let her go! she seems to possess my soul and haunts the very essence of my being...i just can't accept her leaving...
please, what advice can you offer me that will release me from this agony? |
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NYC_Gal 2.0
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 7:52 am Post subject: |
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Last edited by NYC_Gal 2.0 on Tue Jan 11, 2011 6:06 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Globutron
Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Location: England/Anyang
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 7:59 am Post subject: |
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3 years of salary...
1 million dollars on nothing... |
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