Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Hokie21]

Hey everyone was looking for some outside advice on how I might be able to handle a case of bullying that's recently begun in one of my classes.

Some background information, its a private school and the class is made up of 14 5th and 6th graders. The class is split up almost evenly between males and females and about two weeks ago I noticed a few of the boy students complaining and saying some things about a female student in class. At first I didn't think much of it, at that age a lot of the kids dislike the opposite sex but it's starting to become more apparent. The boys quietly call her names in class and now the girls (who have always been very well behaved) have completed ostracized her.

The student being picked on has never said a word to me about it but I know bullying when I see it and have begun giving detentions to the students who are openly picking on this girl in class. I discussed it with my co-teacher earlier in the week and she spoke with the student getting bullied, trying to figure out what is happening.

From what my co-teacher told me the student isn't sure why she is getting picked on but its become worse with the girls and boys poking fun at her on the bus ride home and back, the girl says while she really likes my co-teacher and I that she may have to transfer classes because she can't handle getting picked on anymore.

Now I know there is nothing I can do about what is happening on the bus or what is happening in between classes but I don't allow that kind of behavior in my class. Giving these students detention and speaking to them during class has had no effect and I'm worried if I push it too far it will open the student up to more abuse from her classmates.

Sorry for the length of the message but its really bothering me because this girl is a very good student and I've watched her become more dejected and withdrawn class by class these past 2 weeks.

Thanks for your help.

[ajosshi]

[schwa]

Be careful.

Kids can be cruel among themselves & adults cant referee all their interactions. If the girl is generally self-capable, she probably needs to sort this out on her own. Crap tends to happen for a reason. Maybe she needs to figure out what she's doing to turn her peers against her & either adapt or live with it. Its part of growing up.

[koreatimes]

[Hokie21]

As I said before this is a private academy and the majority of the students in this class attend a regular school together. They already have their cliques from their normal school, that is outside my control. We don't spend very much time at all doing group activities, I would say no more than 10-15 minutes out of a 70 minute class is group work.

Also I said its mostly muted in my class aside from a few comments from the boys and the girls ostracizing her. The majority of it happens during the school rides over and the break between my class and when my co-teacher has the class.

I understand a lot of it is outside of my control (their regular school, bus rides, korean co-teachers class). Also I understand these kids are elementary students and this kind of thing comes with the territory but what concerns me is how she has completely shut down in class now and is obviously miserable. At the beginning of the semester she was a very active and very happy kid.

[koreatimes]

Now it sounds like you are distancing yourself from what you stated before. I highly doubt you know exactly what the kids do on buses and elsewhere unless you are actually there.

If now it is her somehow changed in some way, you aren't her parent. Tell the school and move on. Before you made it look like there were problems in the classroom. Now you are making it sound like it is more of a personal problem.

[Hokie21]

I know what they do on the bus because I mentioned the bullying situation to my Korean Co-teacher. She approached me Friday saying she spoke to the student and the students mother and that was the story they gave her.

Why are you such a dick?

[jvalmer]

Don't invest too much in this issue. Not much you can do outside of your class unless you're on the bus with them. Just keep it under control in your class. And it's a hagwon, the mother will pull her out of the place if it gets too bad.

[Jingo besus]

[Illysook]

I was bullied growing up and a lot of people have been. It wasn't fun, but it wasn't consistent either. There were places where I did feel safe and accepted. Now, I can't say that I grew up to be a completely healthy adult, but I didn't kill myself as a teen. So, if you can at least make her feel safe in your class, you may be doing a lot.
...
Now, as far as the bullies were concerned, they might not fare so well. I went to my high school reunion this summer and the guy who stuck me with the horrible nickname was in poor health and one of the girls who used to give me a hard time looked like she felt really guilty, plus she was fat and not so attractive. I looked great, felt great, and was seriously interviewed for dating purpose by two rather successful guys who shared my faith and values. Unfortunately, I was about to leave for Korea.

[nathanrutledge]

I can't remember the phrase (valmer, you might know it) but the thing to do here is to completely ignore someone. Girls do it to people all the time - the whole class, they completely ignore some person to the point that they break down. Bullying back home is JV stuff compared to what they do here. Had a girl in my middle school a few years back who was the victim of that - my co teacher lost it on the class and she yelled at them, gave them demerit cards and gave a couple of the ring leaders a good beating for it. THEN the parents came in and followed up with beatings of their own. It's a serious problem.

Really, like the others said, just do what you can in your class. Zero tolerance approach to bullying, but don't reward the victim or raise her above the others. Just punish them and leave her neutral. At the same time, if they behave well, reward it. It's a fine line - punishing their bad behavior while not making the victim even more of a target.

Good luck though.

[Joe Boxer]

Bullying is one thing I will never stand for. Whenever I deal with a bully in one of my classes I always embarrass the shit out of him until he's literally crying in front of the other kids.

Some may argue that this makes me a bully too, but I see it as an equalizing measure. I take no enjoyment from it (well, ok, yeah I do) but it's an effective way to deal with a kid that's constantly tormenting another.

Korean kids have a tough enough life. Getting bullied on top of that? Not on my watch.

[jeremysums]

Bullies are afraid of principal, police or parents. Most often its the latter.

[ZIFA]

[akcrono]

I have a degree in psychology and was working on a masters in school counseling before I came here. Some of the advice in this thread is horrible.