Korean Job Discussion Forums

[namerae]

It sounds like you're torn between great and wonderful girlfriend, sex, and happiness and your family obligations.

I understand that you're Korean American, so have you told your parents about this girl? Do they know that you want to bring her to America? Did you mention that you want to marry her? I'm sorry but after 6 months of only living together on the weekends (and the details you gave us all about your girlfriend's personality) I think you might still be on the 'happy' cloud.

To make a girl change her life that quickly will probably, most likely, end in disaster for one or both of you.

It takes a lot of planning and trust to go through with this. The impression that I got from you (which might be entirely because of a lack of information) is that you might not really understand one another's motivations 100%. Her dream may be to go to America, and to work for Korean Air, and marry an American, but seriously... with her education and work experience I'm not so sure she will have an easy time of it. As someone said, thousands of women apply for each spot. Only the most beautiful and most qualified women are allowed.

Of course, I'm sure your girlfriend is great, but she needs to have a good feeling about moving her life abroad for the long term. Does she really not like Korea enough to stay? (Or you enough to leave?)

How old is she? Do you feel she's ready for a big change? Do you really love HER or the idea of being WITH her?

It takes two to tango. So make sure that she is included into this decision, and not feeling pressured because of your father, his retirement, and your ideals.

[fortysixyou]

Stay in Korea at least another year. Move in together if you can. This will help progress your relationship and also drastically improve her English.

Regarding your girlfriend's desire to become a flight attendant: I'm not doubting her abilities, but becoming a flight attendant for Korean Air is hard. I mean really hard. It's extremely competitive. My girlfriend was the perfect candidate and even went to school to train for the position, made it to the third and final interview, and failed. Now she's a beautiful, well-trained secretary.

However, if your girlfriend gets the position, you should let her keep it and think about staying in Korea long term. Improve your own career by pursuing further education and more prestigious jobs. Teaching ESL here isn't necessarily a 'dead end' job.

Moving back to the states to get a job is hard. Bringing a girl with you is even harder. Bringing a girl who needs to work is harder. Bringing a girl who needs to work, with limited English is yet even harder. Successfully bringing a girl who needs to work, with limited English, who has never lived outside her home country is almost impossible.

I vote stay in Korea. You should both develop yourselves more.

[pkang0202]

OP, you are getting some great advice. I want to add to what others have said.

Right now, your girlfriend is in Korea surrounded by her family, friends, and everything she knows as familiar.

Moving to the US might change her personality and her outlook on life completely. In the US, she has you and only you. Unless she makes close friends there(who speak Korean) then she will feel extremely lonely. there are some things a woman wants to talk about that they can't talk about with their boyfriend. Whether its venting or talking about life in general, they usually talk about those things with their friends or their mother.

In the US, she does not have that outlet. Also, there you have your family, your friends, and your life. it may be difficult for her to simply plug herself into everything you know as familiar.


That's not to say its impossible. People here are just trying to get you to understand the gravity of the situation. You need to make it clear to her what she's getting into. Tell her that she can't go home if she misses her mom's cooking. She will be missing her friends' weddings and special events. Things like that. If she's totally alright with that, then take a chance.

[Yaya]

The depressing weather of Seattle could get to her, too.

[Poker]

If the OP had an ounce of intelligence, he will listen to the advice given here and not think about taking her to America.

Please listen to the above posts OP. Your friends and family may give you different ideas, but they are biased. The people on this board are looking at your situation clearly and giving thoughtful advice. There is a saying that goes something like, 'smart people look at other people's mistakes and learns from them.' You can avoid a number of potential pitfalls just by having good judgement skills in life. There is a wealth of experience and wise heads in this forum. Count yourself lucky that you posted your issue on Dave's and had people take the time to give you some really good advice.

The reason why this post attracted my attention is that I can relate a little to what the OP is thinking. I am 27 too, have a Korean girlfriend, and maybe someday I will marry her. But I am damn sure that I will have stability in all aspects of my life before I take her out of Korea and even think about marriage. Leave the girl in Korea and let her get her life sorted. You need to get your life sorted too. I mean you don't even have enough money for a wedding? (I don't have much either, but I have something, about W50 million, and I am continuously stressing about my financial situation). And here you are thinking about taking a girl over to stay with you in the future and possibly binding her to you for life. Other things should be on your mind right now.

Lastly, before my current girlfriend, I have met some Korean girls that also wanted to become flight attendants. Last year, Asiana put up a notice for 3 positions. 12 000 girls applied across the country. Your girlfriend is up against extremely beautiful girls with good language skills. Some even have flight experience. This is the reality. I am not saying to put her down and let go of her goals. But chances are that she will need to find a different career path later when she realizes that road is a dead end.

She is not stable. You are not stable. Everyone on this board can see it. I hope you can too and get your priorities right so that in the future you can share a great life with this girl. Leave her in Korea to do her thing, go to America to do yours. Any relationship can be amazing for 6 months. Not enough time to base major decisions on. If you really love each other, long distance is not that hard to tough out.

Maybe I am using more forceful language than the others and this all sounds like an attack on you, but it has to be said to hopefully have you take on board what everyone is saying here. Good luck OP.

[y2kenjination]

Thank you everyone! I can't thank you guys enough for all the advice. =)

[Malislamusrex]

There is some good advice there,

I have already thought about this because of my current situation, and I have made a contingency plan for worst case scenario. If your gf can't get a job what are your / her options? If you can answer that question there is no need to worry. My answer is simple, my wife having a job isn't really in my economic forecast, if she gets one its good but not a big deal.

My advice, stay in Korea for a little, take her to the US for a test run see what's available..... because no one on this board is going to give you advice about the job market in Seattle.

[sundizz]

OP...don't let the advice get you down. I have started dating a girl for the last six months too and am thinking about what possibilities there are for the future.

She is in a little bit better position than yours as she speaks English fluently (lived in the U.S for high school), and can fluently speak Korean, Japanese and is currently learning Mandarin. Oddly, she also wants to work for an airline and given her looks and language abilities she seems to stand a good chance (has an interview at least lined up).

As hard as it is to hear, if you really believe this is the girl for you then you need to stay in Korea. My contract is up and I am (26) and also want to go back and start my career properly in the States. You need to seriously consider your options in Korea. There are a few decent schools here that you could get your a global English MBA at. As a Korean-American you probably already speak decent Korean? If you combined speaking English fluently, Korean fluently, and have a MBA I'm sure there are more options available to you at Korean companies.

Additionally, my suggestion is that you find wtv/any/hagwon/anything job for six month and tough it out. Save your money and be with the girl for another six month. It'll really help you to have some time to think things through clearly. After that, take six months off and live in the U.S and just settle all your affairs with your parents and help get them situated for the future. I know how much of a responsibility you feel toward your parents and this is just something we all have to go through.

At the end of the day, you could make this happen but there will have to be sacrifices made and a lot of effort. School (either in the U.S or here in Korea) is the best visa opportunities for both of you I'd think.

[northway]

[shifty]

I was involved with two air hostess candidates, helping with their homework etc for the specialised academies they were attending.

They were both downright honeys, fridge stockers if ever there were, such nice people.....light years ahead of the air hostesses in my home country.

Neither made it, a regular slap in the face it was. For the one in particular, who had everything.

So OP, I would wait for the 99% inevitable to happen, allow her to get it out of her system and then reassess from there.

When she says she'll follow you to the ends of the earth, it may just be her gracious self speaking, rather than what she really wants.

So you need more time together. She's ambitious and the extent of it must be worked out.

[SeoulNate]

[sirius black]

I will echo others and say there is some great advice on here. I will add these thoughts.

She's a great girl. I get that. The best gf ever and you don't want to miss that. However, you're being selfish. Time for some tough love. You don't want to lose her. I completely understand that. You don't want another guy to have her. I've been there myself. However, you are being selfish. That old saying if you love something let it go thing. You're Korean American, you more than most on this thread knows how much Korean (and Asian women generally) women want security. They and their families want to know the man can put food on the table and a roof over her head and that roof is not a 1br studio either.

Your problems are compounded with family issues of your own. Think of her. If you really do love her and have her best interest at heart you'd get your house in order so that you can properly provide for her. Bringing her to the states will make her completely dependent on you. Which in a strange way is encouraging you to bring her. You're at home with your parents, right? So, is she going to stay in your room at your parents? I would assume your family isn't as conservative as a Korean's family in Korea but would your family and more importantly hers, put up with that? If not, and you get a place, what type of place would it be? Until she learns how to get around and her english skills are better, she's sitting around the house all day waiting for you to come home.

You're desperate not to lose her and that's completely normal. However, time for you to buck up and be mature. Think of you and her. You both need to work on a plan. Lets say she bucks the odds and becomes a flight attendent (unlikely if previous posts about her chances have any veracity), so that would also mean she's not going to America. Would you ask her to give up her dream? You both know Korea, only one of you know America. You both can work in Korea legally, only one of you can work in America. See where I'm going with this? The best option currently if you want to be together after your contract is to stay and develop a plan in Korea. The other 'sensible' option is for you to go back to America and get yourself into a position to be able to take care of her and for her to get herself in a position where she has some marketable skills in America. That or you both live in Korea but YOU don't want that because its about YOU. You know what? It should be about you. Only you because thats all you can take care of right now.

If you two really have something special it will withstand the time and distance. I suspect you know the relationship isn't strong enough..and if you're honest with yourself you are being selfish.

[SgtPepper]

Just my 5 cents.

Being completely dispassionate about this, it seems unlikely that a move to the US would be beneficial to her. Imagine yourself making the same sacrifice, living in Korea for the rest of your life.

You said that you felt selfish leaving your elderly parents alone, your other choice is selfish too though, forcing her away from her life. And after 6 months? It's no time, that. Seriously man, 6 months is not enough time to base such huge life decisions on.

If you honestly seriously believe in this woman, dude, you have to stay in Korea. Its the only compromise that's fair on her. You gotta make sacrifices too dude. If you're serious, stay another year, if you think you'll find love again, go home.

[sundizz]

So to add further to my above post, I found this on another forum and think it would be quite helpful. As I said, a student visa seems like the best opportunity for an educated, ambitious foreigner to legally come to the U.S. From the below, you can see that 'loopholes' as well (work sooner/take time with completing school/choose not to finish it).

Quoted from another forum:

I was on a student visa when my husband (a US citizen) and I got married last year in July. Basically it is better for you to get married in the US and then apply for her to adjust her status from F1-student to Permanent resident. As part of the application you can file for an EAD which is an Employment Authorization document that will give her permission to work whilst her application for a green card is being processed. You can also apply for what is called Advance Parole which basically allows her to leave the US if necessary whilst her application for permanent residency is still pending. Once you have sent off the application for her to become a permanent resident, she no longer has the status of an F1 student but of someone who is adjusting their status. This is not a bad thing. She can continue to go to school whilst her application is pending if she wants to or once her work authorization (EAD) comes through (usually within 90 days) she can take a break from school and work full time or she can continue to go to school if she wants to. I have decided to take a break from school at the end of this semester because my husband has a lot of medical bills and it is better for me to work to supplement our income. My advice would be to start the ball rolling as soon as possible because the process can take anywhere from a few months to 2 years (depending on the case). Hope this helps a little.
May-23-07 - Entered US on F1 visa
July-23-07 - MARRIED in a civil ceremony
July-31-07 - Sent I-130 to TSC by mistake & I-485 to Chicago
Sep-06-07 - Rejection notice received for I-485 & I-765
Sep-09-07 - NOA1 received for I-130
Sep-11-07 - I-485 pkt resent to Chicago
Sep-21-07 - I-485 app. rejected for 2nd time (grrr)
Dec-21-07 - I-485 sent to Chicago LB for the 3rd time
Dec-26-07 - I-485 application pkt received in Chicago
Dec-31-07 (day1) - NOA1 receipt notices for I-485, I-765 & I-131 sent out to me (yay!! finally)
Jan-09-08 (day 10) - I-130 application transferred to National Benefits Center.
Jan-09-08 (day 10) - EAD and AP applications "touched"
Jan-14-08 (day 15) - Biometrics appt letter received (dated Jan-07-07)
Jan-18-08 (day 19) - I-130 received at MSC and is now pending
Jan-25-08 (day 26) - Biometrics Appt. in Charleston, SC
Feb-26-08 (day 5 - No touches or updates in a whole month, what is going on ??? pray for me
Mar-10-08 (day 71) - CRIS email stating EAD card production ordered (Yay!!!)
Mar-11-08 (day 72) - CRIS emails stating approval notices for EAD and AP sent Mar 10
Mar-15-08 (day 76) - AP approval notice received
Mar-18-08 (day 79) - EAD card mailed
Mar-21-08 (day 82) - EAD card received
Apr-24-08 (day 116) - Touched (submitted a change of address online)
Aug-29-08 (day 241) - Received Interview Appt Letter - October 2nd
Oct-02-08 (day 275) - AOS Application approved - Yippeee!!

[Weigookin74]

I read another topic forum here about one guy's K girlfriend going to America and taking a dental hygenist course. She would have to take some kind of course or training stateside to have a chance to make some type of an income. If you go home for a few months and then come back, she might be able to go visit you to see what it's like. Then you could both go back and work for a couple of years. Yes, that means teaching English. You could also just stay at the school for another year. Depends on how badly you want the girl.