|
Korean Job Discussion Forums
"The Internet's Meeting Place for ESL/EFL Teachers from Around the World!"
|
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Derrek
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
|
 Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 7:12 am Post subject: |
 |
|
| sistersarah wrote: |
i guess i got quite lucky, too. my husband fought his parents for 6 long months to marry me (oldest son).
now things are great. his parents, especially his dad, really like me. at first i thought their refusal to meet me was because they were racists. it was a bad six months. when they finally agreed to meet me, it turns out they're just small town people who never met a foreigner and didn't know what to expect. not racist at all.
i really hate hearing korean men get bashed because i think my husband is the best human being i've ever met, of any race. he's not a *beep* or a mama's boy. he's an independent thinker with all the respect for me in the world, and more.
but he is the only korean man i've ever been with, so i can't add much on korean dating trends. i won't start making broad generalizations, like the OP.
all i can do is wish her better luck next time.
Good luck! |
I am happy that so many of you overcame your differences with the in-laws -- at least to a level where your husband was able to marry you.
I have watched enough Korean movies and heard enough stories to know that Korean MIL's can be a real pain in the butt! |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
Derrek
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 7:17 am Post subject: Re: Dating Korean men-part deux |
|
|
| rapier wrote: |
| Derrek wrote: |
It feels weird to us, but it is totally normal to bring up questions like, "Would you marry a westerner and would your family approve." very early on in the relationship. That way, you're not wasting your time.
|
Some things are just too wacky for westerners to get their heads round. A sure fire way to kill any mystery or romance in an early relationship is to start talking sh*t like that.
I'd known this girl platonically for a few months and finally went on a date with her one time. She brought two friends and they discussed things like "Plenty of Koreans are marrying foreigners now, there's no problems with that..and would you be able to give English lessons to my sister on weekends? etc".
Nice girl, but I fled the scene pretty quickly.
The order of steps for romance to proceed in korea is backwards compared to the west. |
How old are you, rapier?
I agree with you, talking about marriage in any way, shape, or form is a pretty tough thing to get your arms around if you're a western guy or gal in your 20s. But by mid 30s, it becomes easier to accept. Still weird to us, though. It is even easier to understand when you learn to appreciate the family-oriented "marriage inquiry hell" that a lot of "of age" Koreans have to put up with.
But yeah, it's backwards to us! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Derrek
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 7:36 am Post subject: Re: Dating Korean men-part deux |
|
|
| coldcrush wrote: |
I didn't get much of a "sully the bloodlines" reaction from the inlaws. I got more of a "we don't want you to screw our daughter, ger her pregnant, dump her and then leave the country, ok?". Hell, that's what whiteys say.
Then again my missus is not, as far as I can tell, a Korean man.
Hope this helps.
| Derrek wrote: |
| Corporal, relationships in Korea follow VERY predictable themes, on a large scale. It's difficult to know how everyone will react, but date enough and it doesn't take long to figure out the patterns. |
I, for one, wish to hear more about these themes and patterns. |
Ok, you win the avatar contest for the week. Cute apes.
I wrote a big post about all of this a few months back. It was all about "being a man" and stuff like that, in order to figure out if the girl was just using you for english practice or not. I talked about things like waiting for the 3rd to 5th date before trying to kiss her, and expecting her to refuse you at least twice, even if she WANTS desperately to kiss you.
Koreans also follow patterns where they talk about marriage MUCH sooner than westerners would. I like to use this predictability to my advantage. It helps me read the girl I'm with and saves me from wasting feelings on someone who never plans to get that involved, but isn't exactly forthcoming about that for fear of losing her English-speaking buddy. By date 2 or 3, I like to casually drop a forienger/Korean dating story into conversation and mention how that person had such troubles getting parental approval for marriage. I find that the girl often volunteers what she thinks her family reaction will be, or she will tell you if you simply ask her "what would your family do if this were your situation." Or she'll put up a massive wall that says, "I have no plans to marry a foreigner."
<--------- Ponders writing a "dating in Korea" book, but doesn't want to be lynched by angry netizens. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
rapier
Joined: 16 Feb 2003
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 7:46 am Post subject: Re: Dating Korean men-part deux |
|
|
| Derrek wrote: |
How old are you, rapier?
|
Shut it, you cheeky young whippersnapper. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Derrek
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 7:59 am Post subject: Re: Dating Korean men-part deux |
|
|
| rapier wrote: |
| Derrek wrote: |
How old are you, rapier?
|
Shut it, you cheeky young whippersnapper. |
You mean to tell me you're older than even me? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
komtengi
Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Location: Slummin it up in Haebangchon
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 8:48 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Derrek wrote: |
I have watched enough Korean movies! |
yeah thats where I get all my Korean insight from  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
pegpig
Joined: 10 May 2005
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 2:16 pm Post subject: Re: Dating Korean men-part deux |
|
|
| Derrek wrote: |
| Koreans also follow patterns where they talk about marriage MUCH sooner than westerners would. |
I polled my students on their proposals in my first year and was shocked at some of the 'within a couple of months' proposals. One guy proposed on their 2nd date  and she accepted . I can't remember if this guy was desperate looking and I don't know if she was either. But, I do remember some love at first sight crap or something like that. They were still happily married when I asked at least. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Wrench
Joined: 07 Apr 2005
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 2:58 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| crazylemongirl wrote: |
1. Most white people are mutts of some kind or another.
|
Nope not I. Sorry I am of one race. White as white can get. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
dogbert
Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: Killbox 90210
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 3:56 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| | |
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
